A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Would you be worried if your fiance was inexperienced? Inexperienced with life, relationships, and sex. Would it be enough to call it off, even if everything else compatibility wise was perfect? Any input would be greatly appreciated.
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male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (6 October 2011):
It is understandable that if your fiance is inexperienced in life, you would be concerned because you don't know how he will respond to the challenges of life, and you don't know the person he will become.
However, at your age in your early 20's, you are inexperienced in the challenges that you will have to face in your 30's, and when you are 30 you don't know how you will respond to the challenges that you will face when you are in your 40's or 50's. You might have some sense of how you will respond based on how you have responded to challenges in the past, so you might be able to look at how your fiance has responded to challenges in the past to have some indication of how he might respond in the future, but the truth is you never really know, some responses are similar and a pattern emerges and sometimes the way we deal or don't deal with certain things takes us by surprise.
For this reason, it is a good idea to take your time before making a life long committment to anything or anyone. Taking your time allows you to see how someone really deals with life, and conducts themselves in a relationship.
Most importantly though, your fiance's inexperience is not a deal breaker. There will be things that come up in his life that he will struggle to deal with, and there will be things in your life you will struggle to deal with. There will be problems in your relationship too, same as any relationship. What defines your relationship is how you deal with those problems together. When your fiance's inexperience in life leads to problems in his life and in your relationship, you will have a major role in how these problems are resolved. You can't live his life for him, but your job is to support him in what he goes through and help the best you can, same as he needs to do for you.
Inexperience is less significant as the capacity to learn, which we all have. If he has shown he doesn't have a good capacity to learn, or to respond to life, or to deal with the problems and challenges that life brings up, and you have current concerns now, those are the concerns and problems you should be dealing with. How you deal with your problems now, the way in which you deal with them and what your relationship is like when you deal with them is the best indicator of how things will be in the future.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2011): Your question is very broad. Why is his inexperience making you insecure? Isn't it fun and exciting to learn and grow together with a person. As for the sexual aspect...would you feel more comfortable and less worried if you found out your partner had slept with 50 women and done everything under the moon. If his having problems pleasing you than you should be the one to show and guide him as you know your body best. No amount of sexual experience can make up for that. Though be realistic, what do you expect from him as every person has walked a different path in life, why exactly is he lacking in experience?
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A
female
reader, iheartpurple +, writes (6 October 2011):
If you feel that you guys are compatible, then I would think that the relationship is still worth a try. Inexperience with life, sex, and relationships go away with time. They are things that can be learned. Compatibility is different--it is just there, you can't "learn" it.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 October 2011):
 These are questions that only you can answer I am afraid. If you are having doubts about the relationship well then you need to listen to yourself. But my personal opinion would be that experience is not everything. As long as he treats you well and you are both in love well then I wouldn't see that as a problem.
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