A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for 8 years now. Well, 9 years actually since we met as friends in early 2013 at an event for gay men in our area. He's the same age as me.Different backgrounds, he's from a rich African-American family, I'm just a regular Canadian white guy.The event was just a party at a club for gay people. No, not a gay bar or nightclub, but a social club which for a time didn't have regular places to meet, it hired different venues. It only got a regualr venue this year!We didn't start dating until a year later, and eventually moved in two years later.I'm glad I met him in the real world, not online.Neither of us are on social media and, social club, aside, not actively involved in the gay scene.I'd actually known him for a year at the social club but didn't start to flirt with him until a year later.We were friends first, basically.We got engaged two years after moving in but COVID stopped our wedding.I really thought I knew my fiance well.We got on well, have similar interests, and I really thought I knew him that well. It wasn't just about sex even though he was good in bed. IT WAS Real, genuine love.I felt we could talk about anything and our life was good.Our life was good, even through quarantine.Last night though he had something to confess to me.He told me he'd also got engaged to this woman, 28, and had been engaged to her for a year.I saw the photos of this woman, she was uber-glamorous, he showed me photos of her modelling lingerie and photos of them together. I felt angry and disgusted.I learnt from him how they met locally last summer in a local supermarket and they'd met up now and then.I honestly thought nothing of it when he said he was going the store for food and snacks; not realizing he was really meeting up with her, probably for sex and god-knows-what.He said they don't live together and they don't have the current complications of bills, shared finances etc. we have.I feel angry, crushed, disappointed and conned.Now I'm going to have to break up with him and cancel the wedding.Unfortunately, the venue is booked for August and we're supposed to be getting married then.But getting a refund is the least of my worries.Dealing with a partner who's engaged to both me and another woman.Now I'm questioning if he's bisexual too.I had no suspicions at all; after all, he seemed really genuine. There were no odd phone calls, nothing that would actively suggest an affair was going on.For this woman, isn't karma gonna be a bitch after she finds out he's really a gay man and the engagement wasn't even real?I really thought I had found a genuine guy after trying Internet dating and it not working out when I'd tried it 9-10 years ago.I don't have that many friends, and am really, really, struggling to cope.I'm also wondering how to cope with things like our shared finances and mortgage as well, ending that.He seems to want what he can't have; both of us.I don't want polyamory, and I always thought he was a good guy and wanted monogamy.Please help me out.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2022): ok, it's tough, it's not gonna be easy, now I'm saying this as a straight guy so my viewpoints can be very different than yours but hear me out, I think it's an excellent opportunity for you both that he has a woman on the side, you would want to have kids and women are both great at taking care of them and producing them, u can have your own biological child and his in your relationship, that's a rare thing coming from any gay couple, you did state that you don't want to be in a poly relationship but I think it worth seeing what she has to offer, you loved him enough to go to the lengths of marriage so why not go this one extra step for him plus, even if ur not into women u can look at her like a sister in the relationship.
now if you don't want to and u have no interest in even thinking about her at all then sadly there is nothing that can be done, it's over, you never want to put him in me or her situation, you have to let go, it's hard, it's tough, your heart will ache and your life will be depressing for a while, the best advice I can give is talk to other people and let it all out, don't suffer the pain alone, talk to a psychologist if u can if not with friends, the biggest part of getting over a relationship is accepting it is over and believing there are other people out there as good if not better than your ex
Hope this helped and I wish you all the best
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