A
female
age
30-35,
*ostheartwandering
writes:My fiance is having strong feelings for my older sister who which he works with. He has already confessed to me that he has thought about her during sex and has thought about kissing her (and she's married!!!) He says he cant help it but he just keeps doing things and I dont know for how much longer I can handle it. We have a baby girl together and we were so happy until he his feelings got stronger and he confessed this. What would help us?
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female
reader, lostheartwandering +, writes (15 June 2008):
lostheartwandering is verified as being by the original poster of the question But if you have anymore suggestion please let me know. I really want this to work out somehow
A
female
reader, lostheartwandering +, writes (15 June 2008):
lostheartwandering is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your suggestions. But no, my sister actually hates him she just tolerates him for the sake of me. He says he's trying his best to get better and whatnot, but i dont know if i can believe him. my fiance had this job before my sister and if he quits its going to be hard getting money to support our baby so i dont know about that. maybe i'll give him some time and see if there are any changes and if not ill try the suggestions you've given me. thank you so much for your help.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (14 June 2008):
 Wow... OK, this is COMPLETELY off the cuff here... it was my first thought and I don't know if would be helpful or even if it's realistic (so don't ding me for giving you a bad suggestion here).
Is it in any way possible for you, your sister and your fiancee to sit and have a conversation about this and have her tell him in no uncertain terms that there is no way she could ever return more than a sister-in-law's level of love and caring for him? I guess I'm thinking that if she caps off his fantasies with a firm dose of reality, that might snap him out of it.
It seems a bit far-fetched and I don't know if that's feasible or not, but it was the first thing that popped up in my mind -- make it clear that it's only in his head and that's it.
...it seems silly to me, but it might work to toss the cold water in his face. I hope somebody else has a better suggestion for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008): Do you want the truth? He's obviously not the one for you if he's going as far as telling you he's thought about her during sex and so on. My personal opinion may sound harsh but I'd find a way to let him go because this is your sister, can you imagine if it someone else who didn't have anything to do with you? What if they were giving him some kind of attention in return? Like I said, just my personal opinion.
I wish you the best of luck and just one more thing, if you do stay in the relationship, your feelings for both him and your sister are going to change as time passes. Just remember that no matter what happens, you're sister has nothing to do with his feelings. Try not to become bitter as far as she is concerned and although you may not be feeling this way or thinking about any of this at this time, as time passes, you'll discover a whole lot of feelings and this may become one of them.
Again, good luck and if you need any more advice or want to continue talking to me, feel free to email me at [email address blocked]. Just use CUPID as the subject so I know who you are.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008): hello,
i cannot believe how immature this guy is. im sorry to have said that but it is true. he should know that your sister is off limits, he is a grown man. You need to find out if youre sister has the same feelings? ask him if your sister has initiated anything? is your sister happy in her marriage? if she has got feelings for him, then your situation is a lot worse. But sisters are sisters and depending on how close you actually are, no man should come inbetween.
your man is very much in the wrong! he is a father to your child, and he should start behaving like one aswell.
Are you even sure that you can be with this man knowing how he feels? maybe he has it too easy with you? hes got so comfortable being with you that he has to disgustingly initiate his feelings towards your sister.
i would be devastated if my boyfriend told me he had feelings for another woman, let alone my sister, it would show his true colours and stupidity - i would leave my boyfriend if this ever happend. Easier said than done-i know.
does your man want a future/relationship with your sister or does he still want to be with you. if he is serious on wanting to make it work with you, then maybe he should leave his job-if he doesnt then hes not willing to try for you-but even so-his feelings will always be there-and no human can block out feelings. i reckon you could be better off without him-focus on you and your child-in the mean time-he is the one that needs to do some prioraty checks, maybe time alone would help him miss you.
my friend, if the situation gets even worse-shut the door on him. he is not a man if he can not treat his lady right.
with love and god bless
friend x
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