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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi,I am having a problem with one of my female friends. We used to be quite close and would hang out every day and do heaps of things together. Ages ago we slept together, but she didn't want anything more so we just continued to be friends. The thing is, over the last few weeks she has been really snappy and stand- offish towards me and saying some hurtful comments. I have tried to ask what is wrong, but this just makes her really angry. What should I do? I can't keep ignoring her or trying to make her happy... and it seems that I am the only person that she is treating like this. I cant honestly think of anything I have done or said that could have made her mad at me. What can I do or say? i just want my friend back. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2005): A good, solid friendship involves respect, maturity and consideration. A friend is someone you hold in high regard, and with whom you share a mutual trust. A friend will be there for you, both in the best and the worst of times. It appears you have Accept that not all friendships will make it over the long run. You friend is experiencing some problems, within herself. She's made the choice to keep whatever is bugging her to herself and share. That's okay but that still doesn't make her treatment of you, the right, moral thing to do. Hanging onto friendships that are "barren"-where you get little in return for their efforts, is not worth it. Giving and giving is emotionally draining..and it sounds like you have done your share.
She has likely forgotten a very important thing about friendships. Don't take the individual or your friendship for granted. Friendship is something you must earn each day-it's not an unconditional arrangement. She's pushing the limits of friendship by not comunicating and taking advantage of the your good will and concern. That's unfair. I heard an excellent quote about friendship. "I do then with my friends as I do with my books. I would have them where I can find them, but I seldom use them."
Friends do have disagreements. That is a given. And when we try to see things from our friend's point of view, we always choose our words carefully, out of respect. You made the first move with her by asking what her problem was and she chose to not respond. Leave it at that rethink this friendship. It's time to move on and consider focusing your attention on a few solid, sturdy friendship-those with strong ties and the potential for healthy, flourishing, fun times. Stay positive and keep happy! Take care
Hugs,
Irish
A
reader, pops +, writes (8 September 2005):
NOthing. Write her a note telling how hurtful her comments have been. Then ignore her and cut her out of your life. Don't be rude, and not say hello when you pass, but there is no need for further conversation with her. She has decided to move on, and you should to. I am sorry the relationship did not work out for your sake, but you will find someone else. You have asked the right questions of yourself. If you still can't answer them, talk to friends who knew both of you when you were together, and ask them what they saw you doing that was driving a wedge between you and your gf. Its amazing what friends and family hold back from you until a relationship ends!
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