A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So...this is a tough one. I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now. We have a great relationship, minus a few ups and downs that everyone is sure to go through.Recently my feelings towards him have changed. At times things are completely normal and we get on fine, but other times I find I don't even want to be around him. It almost feels like I'm falling out of love with him. I've been thinking a lot about this and I think it may be something to do with the fact that I no longer find him physically attractive or maybe I never have. This hurts me a lot because he's such a lovely person.I was just wondering if anyone has been in any similar situations or has any advise? Thank you. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Daniel the love doctor  +, writes (17 August 2011):
 Well you're just experiencing the normal bumps in the road in a relationship. It's the bad, annoying, or trying times (which includes loss of attraction- whether sexual or physical, things getting a little less exciting, etc) that gives you the real test of the relationship. But when you’re going through very difficult times, you may want to consider making a list of Pros & Cons.
Here’s what you do:
Draw a line down the middle of the page. On the left side of the page write the word PROS in all capital letters then underline it. Then skip a line and answer the following questions:
- What are the things that you appreciate in your partner? What are you grateful for?
- What do you like/love about him? Do you like his smile personality, positive spirit, etc?
Then after making your list of pro’s, write the word CONS on the on the right side of the page in all capital letters, then underline it. Then skip a line and answer the following questions:
- What are the biggest problems that you believe your partner has? Does he always seem to argue too much? Does he not spend enough quality time with you?
- What do you dislike about him? Does he have a rude personality, make you feel bad (very judgmental), or does not communicate with you the way that you would like?
After making this list, determine which side of the list outweighs the other. If you’re noticing that you’re coming up with much more cons or problems than pros, you most definitely should discuss it with your partner and see if he's willing to change. If there’s no change, you may want to consider a breakup. However if the pros outweigh the cons on your list, you should definitely stay with your partner….but you should also discuss the cons with him, and work on a change…and improving your relationship.
Hope this helps! :^)
A
female
reader, SweetLipsX0 +, writes (16 August 2011):
 Hey, I know how your feeling, i actually came on here to write a similar question. The only real difference is that we've only been together for 5 months. Ever since school started, i have not wanted to be tightly in his arm, how i used to be last year. As well as holding his hands, BUT another thing is, I guess after seeing a certain guy, and hugging him, it just made me want to be farther from my boyfriend. Its not as if i can just walk with this other guy, because my boyfriend is a jealous type. But back to you, i think that if your not really IN LOVE with him, its best if you end it. You will feel as if your loosing a great part of yourself , but just think of it, as making yourself better. You shouldn't be continuing the relationship, trying to see if you love him or not. If its just fading, its for a reason. You should be with someone who you will truly love, and he should be with someone who will love him with as much love as he gives that person.
Hopes this helps 3
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A
female
reader, sammy1986 +, writes (16 August 2011):
i have been in a similar situation and i had to break up with him as we were both unhappy because he knew i didnt feel the same way about him as much as i felt so guilty about hurting him it was better in the long run for both of us
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