A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:A while back, I started talking to a guy on a dating site who was a 95% match with me. (I'm 18, he's 21) We realized that we have a HUGE amount of common interests, and really hit it off. We went on dates together and talked for many hours and found that we are very compatible, and eventually became a couple. We have not been together very long, but so far, this has been the most unique/special relationship I've ever been in. I don't think I've ever met a guy that had THIS much in common with me (we both love gaming, both into computers, both a bit shy and awkward, both silly and goofy, nerdy, smart, same sense of humor, same wants and needs in a relationship, etc.) and so he's become a best friend to me. His friends and family always joke about how we are so similar, lol. He is a very honest person and I haven't had to deal with any flakiness or BS or mind games with him (for example, he deleted his dating profile as soon as he realized he liked me without me even having to ask.) He is very respectful and kind to me and his family+friends. He actually listens to everything I say when we talk and remembers all the little details about me. And I feel very comfortable with him, to the point where I can always go to him when I'm having a problem, I don't need to hide stuff from him, and it isn't scary to show my vulnerable side to him and be my complete self. He has told me that feels just as comfortable around me, and I always want to be there for him to listen or help when he needs it. My family loves him, which is weird considering they have pretty much hated every other guy I've ever dated. Even my dad likes him a lot and says he has a "good feeling about him", and my dad is VERY protective of me when it comes to me dating. But, I've always been pretty cynical and wary about love. Maybe it's because my parents are divorced, or because of my own numerous failed relationships, or how I see/hear about married and unmarried couples breaking up all the time, but sometimes I really question whether or not true, lasting love exists. It seems like it's almost inevitable for love to end over time. I tend to overthink dumb things a lot, and this fear has kept me from being truly happy in relationships. I feel like once the infatuation wears off, he will get sick/bored of me and probably toss me aside or fall for another new girl. I feel like that every time I get into a relationship, because it's happened to me before and it seems like most people don't hang around once the newness wears off. I talked about my fears to my boyfriend, and he assured me that he couldn't imagine ever getting sick of me and he said he "isn't going anywhere". I am my boyfriend's first girlfriend, and he has admitted to me that he gets attached to people easily (this includes friends and family, not just girls). He also tends to worry and overthink things just like I do, and he has said he's a bit scared I'll find someone "better" than him (and I assured him that I am completely happy with him.) When we spend time together or talk, I completely forget everything I was worried about and instantly feel safe and secure again, but when I'm not around him I start to think about how this probably won't last past the honeymoon phase, just like many other relationships, and I get depressed about it.The closer I get to him, the more scared I feel, because I know that if I lost him, it would really crush me. And if anything ever happened to him, it would devastate me. So getting attached to him is very scary for me. How can I get over these fears? Are they normal? And does love always inevitably end/fade over time? Thank you very much for taking the time to read and answer this.
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male
reader, LoveIsEternalToOnlyOne +, writes (4 October 2014):
Just take it easy with one another.You love each other greatly and it shows in your words of concern towards this and honestly you just have to look at the facts that he's your man.There's nothing else better than being with the one whom you love the most, the future holds many and great promises in you both being together as one, enjoy what you both share and give it your all, more than you already have. Love has no bounds so why should you, you love each others so the fears come hand and hand with said love. As it does with my fiancé and I, we've been this same way since we were 2 and 3, now 17 and 18, the point is that there's always fear in many relationships regardless of the kind but if you both truly love each other, you will end up being together forever, I know love when I hear or see it and this is what every couples fears are no matter the people or their personalities... Give it time and it will fade away, although become constant reminder of your love for each other, love is confusing and takes time to build from the ground up, don't worry just be happy and love life knowing you've fulfilled your dreams of finding your love no matter what way it's in.I wish you both a very prosperous relationship ahead of now, whether a bumpy road or a smooth sail in the ocean, may your love take you to levels of unknown riches only the heart desires to take upon itself and cherish what you both have for this year and many more to come
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2014): My dear, you're feeling what we all feel when we're with someone we like and really care for. The risk scares us all, no matter what age we are. It isn't love you're afraid of. It is breaking-up that scares you. There may come a point in time, when you may want to leave for your own reasons. Cross that bridge when you come to it.
You can't stop love from happening if it's really there. It just happens. You can try to avoid it, but then you might miss something really really good. Joy! Joy isn't always around. So grab it when it is!
Nothing much anyone can tell you, to make you not feel scared to love someone. You can spend a lot of time worrying if and when it will end, or enjoy it while it's happening.
I met and loved someone for 28 years! He died.
I didn't expect it, but I'm glad I enjoyed it all that time. Twenty-eight years is longer than you've been on this planet. I didn't know if it would last that long. I met someone else, but that lasted only 10 months. It hurt when it ended, but I lived through it. Now I've met someone else who is very very nice. Am I scared, yes. I'm not worrying about if or when it will end. I'm enjoying it for what it's worth to me right now. Someone died, and someone dumped me. Yet, someone still likes me right now! I didn't avoid loving or being loved out of fear of what could happen. Because something better can always come along.
So many people say they have some sort of "anxiety disorder." Maybe some just don't try hard enough to beat and overcome our unfounded fears. What did people do before they had a name for it? How does the human race stay sane; if everybody was scared of something? Because fear makes us protect ourselves and each other. It will cripple us and take away all our joy, if we let it. If you fight it, you can win. Some are very very sick, they may not win; but they still fight it! They are very brave people!
Show me anyone who is fearless? Show me anyone who can guarantee they'll never breakup? It's always a possibility. No one can please anyone 100% of the time, or never get bored with anyone. No one will ever be born who can guarantee they will never leave you or never hurt you.
They can say it and cross their heart; but they can't keep such a promise. Things happen beyond our control, but we have to live with faith and hope all the same. That keeps us happy most of the time. When we appreciate what we already have while we have it. Not let fear steal our joy! Our parents will not live forever, but we still love them.
You'll get bored with him, and he'll get bored with you. That will happen in "real" relationships. There is no such thing as anyone happy and carefree all the time. That doesn't exist in the natural and physical world.
We have moods, emotions, and feelings. They change. People come and go. We're born, grow old, and we die. Time comes and goes. It may take us with it. Against our will.
Should we be scared about what "might" happen all the time?
Or should we enjoy what is good that we have right in-front of us, right now?
Enjoy what you have while you have it. Live it one day at a time. Don't face or fret the end until it gets here. Do you walk out in the middle of a really good movie; because it has an ending? No, you stay and enjoy it all the way to the end. Even when you might know how it ends. Life is the same way, dear girl. We still have to live, even it it doesn't last forever.
No one knows the future. So why worry if you could cut your finger in the next second; while you're reading my words. It could possibly happen. Was it worth wasting time worrying if it "could" happen?
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