A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i have been wondering, i was with my ex partner for 4 years and now we have not been together for 2 years, but the whole time i have been thinking when we had sex he would cum and that was it almost but i didnt get to have an orgasm. is this because he isnt doing something right or is it me and there has been and i still get this way when im horny, my clit starts to throb. is this normal? im to ashamed to ask but i really dont know because my ex was my first so i have only ever been with one guy
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2009): My opinion is that the majority of the fault was your partners. I believe that if the guy is good then the woman will be good. This is certainly not always the case, but I think it is in most instances.
So he had his orgasm and you didn't. That was because he didn't work hard enough to discover what would make you orgasm. I was this way with my first wife. I didn't care enough and didn't know enough to know how to make her orgasm. Of course, if you know what can make you orgasm then it is your responsibility to tel him what to do. If you don't know because you are not experienced enough then the guy should experiment until the 2 of you together discover what it takes.
Many women, probably most, don't orgasm with intercourse, but almost all women can orgasm with clitoral stimulation, usually with oral sex. Even those who can orgasm with intercourse often need additional stimulation. For instance, my wife has a very sensitive ear and she can orgasm in the missionary position if I lick it. She can also orgasm sometimes in the doggy position is she rubs her clitoris, but only sometimes. If you have some area that is particularly sensitive then ask the guy to stimulate it during intercourse. My wife can have multiple orgasms with oral sex though. Her oral orgasms are also more intense than her vaginal orgasms.
A woman who I dated years ago could only have one orgasm and that was best with oral sex. However, her one orgasm was more intense then anyone I have known. Her entire body would spasm, or at least it seemed like it. She told me that she could orgasm occasionally with intercourse, but it was not as good as with oral and she wanted that oral orgasm, so I did it every time we had sex. As she said, "I'm too greedy."
The key is to experiment yourself to see what makes you orgasm and have the guy experiment and try different things until the 2 of you learn what is best for both of you. And remember that oral sex is what is most likely to get you there.
A
female
reader, mary_mary  +, writes (2 June 2009):
I have the same problem, I'm usually only able to have one orgasm every time I have sex, but sometimes I don't have one. I think it's normal. It's like the problem that guys get when they have trouble staying erect. I'm only 23 and that's pretty young to be having problems orgasming, but it's probably just a hormone isuue. I've often found myself wondering if they have anything out on the market that women with these problems can take for it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): The expression I've heard is "you're responsible for your own orgasm." I take that to mean that rather than assuming your guy is a mind reader, it's up to you to make sure he does what it takes to get you off. Most guys will be grateful, because they want it to be good for you, too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): I think you are normal. Some women don't orgasm through regular sex, unless their clitoris is being stimulated. If that wasn't happening in your previous relationship, that could be why you didn't orgasm. And the throbbing feeling is normal too.
I don't think there is anything wrong with you, it just sounds to me like the last guy you was with didn't bother to find out what you liked, and what felt good to you. So in the future, if you get into a new relationship, maybe you could show them what you like? Hopefully the experience might be better for you! x
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