A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My father passed away in early August. I am devastated because we were very close. I am also very upset about how his will turned out for my sister and I. My father was quite wealthy and literally everything went to his wife, a woman he was only married to for 5 years. She got his 2 houses that are paid off, well over 600k, plus she will get his social security and pension each month. My sister and I didn't get a penny. We both have families. She does not have any children. My father was very confused his last few months of life, and I truly believe my step mother convinced him to change his will because he always use to tell us girls that we would be okay if he ever passed on.I probably sound selfish, but I'm just very upset. I thought for sure she would have offered my sister and I at least something. She was always quite stand off-ish with my sister and I. How can I cope from this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2015): Did you mean 'How do you cope with the loss of your father? or the loss of his money?I will try and answer both possibilities.The loss of a loved one may leave such a deep hole in your life, and nothing else matters and all we want is to smell touch hear see that person again and no amount of money could ever compensate for the loss of love, It cuts deep and i have once felt these things, the pain is immeasurable but i can say that time does make it easier to cope.Scenario 2, coping with the loss of his money.She may have only been a woman he was with for 5 years, but he chose to be with her as he chose to not leave you any of his wealth. It is not for me to say why, maybe deep down you know why, he could have left every single penny to a charity and that is his choice too. You may have to respect your fathers choices and possibly concentrate on your own way to earn wealth, who knows maybe the woman has a plan that the property goes to his children after she expires, because he wanted to take care of her. It saddens me when Death and money come into the same sentence or next sentence, I find the mix does not go well together. We know more about his financial value, pensions etc than his personal value. The confusion card always seems to pop up,and this is an insult to the memory of the person who has died, maybe it was you who were confused.In this type of situation you can turn his death into a legal fight for money that you believe blood entitles you too, or you can respect his final wishes. This may hurt you but true love does fit better in the same sentence as respect.You can cope with the latter I do hope you cope with the loss of your father where real hurt lives.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (19 August 2015):
 Speak to another attorney, one who has had no involvement in this case before now, as has been suggested below.
A lawyer's feedback is not just based on law but on their abilities and degree of confidence. One might be more confident in their ability to win your case than another.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 August 2015):
 DO NOT talk to the attorneys that wrote the will.. GET a third IMPARTIAL party to see if you can contest it.
DO NOT roll over and let her get away with this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2015): My deepest sympathies and condolences to you and your sister, my dear. I try to be sensitive and kind to people in bereavement. However; you came to this site for answers.
So here goes.
Depending on what state you live in and the statutes; you may want to hire a lawyer, and possibly contest the will.
In times like these, people often question the intentions of their departed loved-ones. The problem is, when older people feel they are in-love; they wish to leave their spouse well taken care-of. Perhaps they may wish to give a fine endowment to a charity of their choice. Even a pet! It's their money, and their right to do with it as they please.
There is really no right or wrong. It's up to you what you do with every cent you have. Your father had no say about your marriage, your lifestyle, or your life. So now you're even. There may have been many times in the past that you might have unintentionally offended him. He may have held some resentments that he never let on to. Now that he is gone, all those secrets go with him.
Your father may have been a very nice man, and was close to his children. However, it may surprise you that he put his wife first. She spent more time with him, had more than enough opportunity to influence his decisions in his last will and testament; and to just put it plainly...she rocked his world. They shared something you don't share with your children. They shared intimacy and everything that he had.
Legally, all that he has is hers. She's his wife.
It's very difficult to determine what influences or control she may have had over him. He simply may have decided he wanted to leave her well-off. You'd be surprised how sometimes children don't know every side of their parents; and are shocked at how they distribute their inheritance.
You just don't know what may have changed his mind. You may have said something, or did something. It may not have been apparent to you at the time.
In all fairness. It's easy to blame her. It is apparent you neither trust, nor like her. That has more to do with it than you may be able to accept. You have to get past the grief. This is the normal drama that follows the death of a parent. Especially one who remarried.
You and your sister may have to resign yourselves to the fact that this is what your father wanted. No one twisted his arm to get married, it was his choice. It was his choice who he wanted to marry. It's his money and assets, and his choice where they go when he left this world.
There may be a hidden side you've never known; but it is always best to live with the best of your memories. A fight with her will prolong your grief, and you may discover things you aren't prepared to accept. I do suggest you seek legal advice; but don't get your hopes up.
If you and your sister were never accepting of your father's choice in brides, and he was aware of it? There you have it, this is his legacy he left you. Zero! He took care of you, gave you life, and he loved you. Most men take care of the spouse they've left behind, but it's odd when they leave their children nothing. That's why I say, you may be misjudging her, and love for your father may be blinding you to a few things.
Get your peace of mind. Hire an attorney, but I hope you'll give yourself time to deal with your grief. If you and your sister have been struggling, your father never once offered you help? Did you hide things from him; leaving him the impression you both were doing better than you actually are?
Take these things into account. Sometimes we want our parent's approval, and don't want them to think we're not doing well. Maybe he warned you about a few things, and you didn't take heed to his advice. He's not here to answer any of the questions you have; but legal advice is all you can turn to at this point.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2015): Hello responders I just wanted to update my post.
Everything has been done and I have seen the Will and have talked with an attorney. My sister and I were not in the will. Just that my step mother will get everything, most of everything was also in her name anyways.
I don't want to sound selfish but I know my father would not leave my sister and I without at least something. He made it clear before that he wouldn't do that. I'm just very upset and feel very disrespected in a way.
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A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (18 August 2015):
I agree with what Ciar said. It sounds very strange that your dad went against what he said to you seeing as you were very close and clearly did get on well. I am sorry for your loss. I lost my dad 5 years ago this month but I cant imagine how much worse this has made things for you. Best of luck in everything
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 August 2015):
Agreed. My dad is very concerned that he provide a safe place for my qsm to live so he's made it clear he's leaving her the house... but I know the family trust that she has no access to is not going to her.
see an attorney that specializes in family law and find out what you need to do to contest the will.
it sounds petty and mean but it's not. esp. if he was confused with dementia.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2015): A unfortunate situation!
You stepmother could still make you and your sister the beneficiaries of her will and you will eventually receive something. In fact your father and step-mother may have had an arrangement to that effect.
Until you find out for sure, you must be very careful that you do not antagonize her.
The others are right, you must go to a lawyer who can tell you the possibility of challenging your father's will. If in fact you know and can prove that your father and stepmother had an arrangement, then that will be important for the lawyer to know.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (18 August 2015):
 Aw..I'm sorry for your loss. Its enough to have to lose your father but to be smacked with the fact that you were not in the will cannot make the pain any easier. I agree 100% with Ciar. Do not say a word to your stepmother but seek out the services of an attorney ASAP. You may have a battle on your hands but I believe it would be in your best interest to fight this out. If your father wasn't in good health its very likely that your stepmother may have used his ill health to your advantage. I hope it works out alright for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2015): I agree; you need to talk to a lawyer and find out when his will was written.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (18 August 2015):
Speak to an attorney, but don't say anything to your stepmother just yet. Do it soon.
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