A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey, posted on here before about doubts with my boyfriend, lack of wanting sex and affection, too 'busy' having fun to want to see him.The doubts I have been having have worsened since coming to uni, after a rather unpleasant childhood and father issues I have grown to be very dependant on others - especially males. I like to spend time with males, even cuddle up to them, which has, in the past, led to other things once. I have also never been single - ever. I have always had another man in the wings, not to sound big headed but I'm fairly attractive and have not found it hard to get a boyfriend. This current one is very serious and wants a future with me. 4 years to be precise. I thought I did too sometimes. Now am at uni and all I want to do is be single and have fun. I never got a chane to do that at home, due to problems. Now I've moved out and am free. I have also had many other feelings for other men.
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male
reader, Tomas  +, writes (9 February 2009):
If you want to be single, be single. University is a great time to find out more about who you are, and what things (and people) you like.I'm not sure if this is a long-distance relationship or not, but those require enormous commitment, and often leave people feeling unappreciated and jealous.Also, if you have a tendency to fall in with guys, it could be really easy to string along your guy at home, as a safety net so you'd always have someone to call. That's not fair to him.If you are prepared to make sacrifices and long term plans, and stick to them excluding your opportunities at university, then that's okay. It sounds like you are not, and to be honest, I'd say you are too young to be making those kinds of commitments. I'd also say your emotions are telling you the same thing.My vote? Tell him this is a chance for you to explore your new freedom and grow, and you need to do that. And that you suggest he do the same (don't string him along). And if you want to stay in touch with him, and he does as well, that you can do that, but it would be as friends.Oh, and lest I give you exactly the answer you want, father issues aside, it may be difficult for you to ever feel happy and secure in a relationship if you don't know that you can also be okay on your own (without a man). Learn what makes you happy, that you can control, and work on that. The guy thing usually works itself out after that.
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