A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Recently I accidentally came across my dad's pervert folder.No, this is not normal, this isn't just a few X-rated videos. Let me put this in perspective for you.My dad is the nice guy of the family. He's everyone's favorite relative. I found in this folder, a clip of him setting up his camera in our bathroom and taping my 17 year old female cousin showering, then coming in and switching it off.Here's the one that shook me. I found a tape of him with a prostitute. There was no penetration involved, but surely that's the next step?He's been married to my mom for 17 years now. I can barely stand the site of him. I haven't told anyone yet.
View related questions:
cousin, prostitute Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2010): i have read all the responses and feel that i need to bring the ffg to your ttention:
if your father is so perverted that he is videoing your female cousin, what stops him from checking you out or heaven forbid, if you have a sister and he is doing the same to her.
time to accidently leave some evidence around for your mother to see. let her deal with her perverted husband. please lock your door at night. i wouldn't trust this man at all.
A
male
reader, damo4eva  +, writes (26 May 2010):
You shouldn't hide it from your mum... I had the same problem with my Brother-in-law, and I went and told my sister about it. Even though it took me 3 years to tell her. But your mum has a right to know about what he is doing behind her back.
...............................
A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (23 May 2010):
 I don't want to be rude janniepeg, but I think this behaviour cannot be excused as sexual frustration. Filming his young niece in the shower? This is abuse, bordering on paedophilia, she was only 17 and a member of his own family. That is not an outlet for sexual frustration. An outlet for that might be cheating or watching porn, but being a voyeur to a young female relative is just sick and perverted.
I think the best thing you can do is to show this evidence to your mum. She deserves to know the truth about her husband and as she is an adult, she should be strong enough to deal with this information in the the way that she thinks is best. I don't think it would be a good idea that your cousin finds out about this. It would only make her feel a huge range of difficult emotions. It would be like discovering you were abused by someone you trusted as a child. Although I feel she, in a way, deserves to know the truth about her uncle, it would probably do her a lot of damage.
Good luck with this. I think sharing this is the best way to go because your dad needs help. His act was bordering on serious abuse. If he doesn't stop his behaviour now, it is possible it could progress to actual sexual attacks. I'm not saying this is for sure, it's just a possibility. This is not normal sexual behaviour.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010): It sounds like he has a sexual addiction problem. He needs to get help. You should tell your mother gently and apart from your father. I wouldn't show her the video or other evidence.
...............................
A
female
reader, Bubblii  +, writes (23 May 2010):
I really feel awful for your situation. What an absolutely horrible thing to discover. I hate to say it and I know it will be hard, but someone needs to see the folder. Your mum, or if you don't feel up to showing your mum think of another trusted adult you feel safe and comfortable with.
The only reason I say that is because of your cousin. You obviously know that what he did was wrong, but her parents have the right to know. Just talk to your mum if you can. This is a very adult situation and it's going to be very messy, but don't try to shoulder the burden by keeping secrets, it will eat at you.
You are very brave to post about this and my heart breaks for you. Please keep us posted.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010): Just show your mother his folder and allow her to deal with the matter. She will know the best course of action
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (23 May 2010):
 Oh man. No one is going to believe you if you simply TELL them what's going on. You'll need to get that tape and SHOW your mom. That way she can't deny it and get mad at you.
Your dad needs major help.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 May 2010):
 ... How do you think your mom would react if she found out? Recording your cousin wothout her knowledge is sick, and I dare say illegal. I think it would be best if she never found out about it though.
Would you consider taking the tape and showing it to your mother?
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 May 2010):
 Your dad must be sexually frustrated. Before you spill the secret, have a talk with your mom and dad separately and ask each one of them whether they are happy with their marriage. Tell them not to lie. Tell them it's important to you that both of them are happy, whether they decide to continue to be with each other, and hold on to the facade, or say sayonara and find a better partner. You need a role model, and that means when things in a relationship go wrong, trying to solve problems like going to a marriage counsellor, or part ways in a mature way. Definitely not desperately trying to fulfill a hidden fantasy, or find any other outlet in a sneaky, disrespectful way. You don't have to tell them exactly what you found. However disgusting you father may seem, he took care of you and raised you to be an adult. He is passing through a tough time and he is afraid to show his weakness so be sensitive to that.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2010): That is very sick and I doubt his brother/sister would be happy knowing that he's abused their daughter, his niece in that way. I understand why you'd feel repulsed but not sure what to do next...
...............................
A
female
reader, chaarzx +, writes (22 May 2010):
well, the only advice i can give you is to tell your mum, my dad cheated on my mum, unfortunately i was the last to find out, and not the first, i am very sorry to hear this, and i know what your going through, the only advice i can give you is tell your mum, and the way to tell her well, not to brutely but if i had to put it in words it would probably be a little like "mum, i found this folder on the computer (or wherever you found it) and i think you should take a look" and show her, sorry to hear that again, i know what your going through and its terrible. i hope this helped.
chaarzx
...............................
A
female
reader, Lakisha +, writes (22 May 2010):
 Your father is sick minded he needs help
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2010): I think that the female cousin thing is disgusting, though I'm not sure what you should do. Maybe confront him about that! Because that is just wrong.
...............................
|
