A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've currently been with my long distance boyfriend for over six months. And things have been wonderful between us. It started out as online, until we met in person, and he has even met my family. This is where it gets difficult. My father decided he disapproved of the relationship. Why? Well here we go:One: He is a convert to Islam (Yeah, we're Muslim) Two: He didn't have a job up until nowThree: My dad thinks he looks like a slob and that I can do betterNow, we all know how difficult Muslim parents can be, and although I am 24, I live under their roof and I still feel like a child near my father sometimes (I guess it's fear?). I've stood up to him a few times, and he knows he can't control me being with him, but he's made my life so much more stressful. At first it was all the arguments, now he's just ignoring the fact that I'm even with someone and we haven't spoken about it in about a month (which is kind of scary).To make matters worse, my boyfriend was denied entry to Canada (where I live, he's from the US) because of a misdemeanor on his record over 6 years ago. So he kind of tagged along on a vacation my family and I went to in the States. He has to do some pardon papers that may take up to a year, so if I want to see him I have to be the one to go visit him. That's where the problem lies, and I know this sounds silly coming from a 24 year old, but I am really worried about telling my parents this. He wants me to visit during the Canadian thanksgiving (only a month away), and I want to as well, but I know that if I do go down there, it'll cause a huge uproar in my household since:A) I'm a woman (girl in their eyes) going to visit a man alone in another country (they have a hard time with me even sleeping over at a friends, LOL)B) I'm going to visit someone my dad doesn't approve ofYeah it sounds silly, but try dealing with my father.. it's not fun. I'm worried this might make my father hate my boyfriend even more. I know I should just grow up and face my father, but I'm scared as hell. My boyfriend has been pushing me to tell him, but part of me just wants to lie about where I'm going to my father, which could backfire.What would you do in this situation? Imagine a big angry scary father, who you've been terrified of your entire life. It's especially hard bringing it up since my father has been pretending that my boyfriend doesn't exist, and we haven't spoken about it in over a month.I just need to helpful advice, nothing rude or judgmental please (unless it's productive criticism).God, why does everything always have to be so difficult.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2010): Lying will backfire, who do you think your father will blame for you sneaking off to visit this guy? You know he'll blame your boyfriend. You need to tell your father as soon as possible so he can get used to the idea.
You have to sit down and have a chat with your dad and lay it all out on the table. You have to tell him it's your life and he's raised you well, that you're not stupid but you're at the age where you have to learn by your own mistakes. Love is always a risk and even a guy your dad approves of could turn out to be a weirdo, you can never tell.
Tell him you have a great life and they've given you best start to life that any person could have and you'll be eternally grateful but it's time they let you find your own way in the world now and make you own mistakes. You're an adult and want to keep seeing this guy, you will keep seeing this guy and you are confident that should things go wrong your family will be there for you but they have give you the freedom to make your own choices, they won't always be right but you'll always do the right thing. Above all he makes you happy, and you're father may be right, you might not have a future with this guy but you want to find that out for yourself.
You have to learn the ins and outs of relationships on your own, there's only so much your father can teach you, he can't have these relationships for you. Tell your dad that the fact he cares so much about your well being and always has is the one thing in your life that gives you strength, while he does that for you there's nothing in this life you can't accomplish.
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