A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I started college in fall of 2019 and my parents changed their mind last minute to say I was going to school in my hometown instead of Toronto because it was too far away and no one we knew went there. That was the point! I did two years here in town and kept letting my parents know about upcoming transfer deadlines so my friend Quinn and I could transfer together. Oir parents kept being real slow about it because Quinn's dad and my mom kept making excuses. We had to sign a Accountability Contract that pretty much said we would snitch eachother out over dumb stuff and important questions to ask each other if we planned to do something without the other one. Quinn and I were actually OK with it because earlier the year before we had BOTH tried some X separately, she came out to me as bi, and I said I had done oral. We both vape weed too.So we lived together a year but something bothered me and it took me a few months and talking to mutual friends too. She NEVER prepared the vape for anything and has always been clueless in stores. Like she had never been there. She never vaped ANYTHING in front of me but when pressured to try this one flavor I realized she couldn't vape. I took her aside later and asked her about it.She said she never vaped anything and that she only said it because when she just told me she did it, I did't realize how bad it sounded so she wanted to watch me. What? She admitted she never did X got drunk once and was not even bi anymore, she was just confused. I said OKKK? On the last one and then she told me I could ask her parents all I wanted because she was moving out at the end of the term. The only reason my parents could not make me move out was because I had saved a bunch of money for that when I lived with them. Ever since then, a year and a half, I had a boyfriend move in and moved into an apartment with him and another girl. She moved out and since then my whole family has been LOSING. IT.They started trying to talk me into transferring back home, my grades are real good so no. They actually had three times where they showed up at my work from three hours away and wanted to know my schedule where they stayed in a hotel and had me stay with them trying to talk me into moving home. I quit my job and had to start a different one.Now they have my mom's real distant cousin and she dropped by out of nowhere. There was no emergency, she was really upset I was in my pajamas at noon and that my boyfriend and I were together obviously in bed. We tried to tell her to call first and she said my parents told her to stop by whenever. She thought we were the rude ones and got mad when we would not tell her where I worked. It's my life though! She is too nosy and judgmental and what if I'm on X (not often) or something or Anthony and I are doing oral or more? Its our apartment! No one will call first or make plans and Cousin Heather is the type to try to get us in trouble to make me have to move home.How do I convince my family to leave me alone? And get back at Quinn for causing all this trouble by spying and snitching?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2021): You talk as if you are proud of being stupid and childish, you shout from the roof tops about the ridiculously irresponsible and stupid things you have done as if they are some sort of accolade, like a prize, like passing an exam! I would be ashamed if this is the best I could talk about to others at your age. Taking drugs is nothing to be proud of, any fool can do it. Getting a life, standing on your own two feet and making sensible decisions would be better.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2021): How do I convince my family to leave me alone?
For starters, if you are not paying your own way, start paying your own way in life. Might have to get a second job to do that. If your parents paid for your car, give it back to them and buy your own car. If you parents pay for your cell phone, give it back to them and get your own. You have to pay your own way 100% to have the right to expect them to leave you alone 100%.
And get back at Quinn for causing all this trouble by spying and snitching?
That question makes you sound very immature and stupid. The mature thing is to not get back at Quinn and just let it go. It is okay to end the friendship but it is not okay to get back at Quinn.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 January 2021):
 You should leave Quinn alone. She is TRYING to be an adult away from home where as you are acting like a rebelling TEENAGER. trying to PRESSURE a friend to do thing - even something as LAME as vape is disgusting. Good for Quinn to get FAR away from you. You are a sucky friend.
Oh so you did X and vaped! OMG ! How amazing are you!!?!
That was sarcasm in case you missed it.
Vaping and doing drugs or whatever X is, DOESN'T make you mature or amazing. It makes you a sheep.
From your post it's clear why you parents didn't want you too far away on your own. You are VERY immature, impulsive and inconsiderate.
If your parents aren't paying for your schooling, then I suppose you can do what you want. But.. if they ARE paying, well then you ARE beholden to whatever rules they set up for you. That includes what school you attend.
They won't leave you alone until you show them you have a clue as to how to adult. Shitting on your best friend, vaping and doing X does nothing to show anyone just how well you can be on your own.
Lastly, this sounds like such a troll post. I think you have writing many times before with stories a lot like this one, except in the other stories your parents are fundamental Christians.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2021): One very important question.Are your parents paying for school?If they are you best do what they say or lose that money train.If you support yourself and you pay all your expenses I would not even let them know where you live work or go to school.But if they pay you best do what they say.It would be best if they did pay so you graduate debt free.Do not blow that if they are paying because if you must pay it will take you years and cost most of your income.So it all comes down to who has the money.If it is your parents do not be stupid and blow them paying...or you will pay for that for decades to come.Please answer us.Let us know who is paying so you can get the advice that will help you the most.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2021): Is this post for real????
You think you are an adult and want to break free from parental restraints (normal for someone your age). But then you are acting like an immature child and frankly a bully!
You want to get back at your friend Quinn?
You PRESSURED your ‘friend’ into doing something she didn’t want to do. You gossiped about her to mutual friends all to embarrass her and make yourself feel better. What you are doing there is a common bullying tactic. Making someone look stupid and small in front of others to make yourself look better or ‘cooler’ in front of others.
She probably lied about doing those things because she is probably scared of you. You have probably made her feel so bad about herself that she wants your validation even more (hence her lying about these things). She probably snitched on you because of her being scared of you and what you would pressure her into doing next. She probably felt like she had no choice or options to break away from you. She wanted to save herself.
Also of you have been friends a long time she may be looking out for you too. Worried about the person you have become and the things you are doing. Her parents may also be worried about her being friends with you so made her tell them all those things about you.
Stop being selfish and think of things from Quinn’s perspective. Not everything is about you. Stop being annoyed at her snitching on you and look at your own actions. And stop blaming her as you ARE doing these things. The only person to blame is YOU.
Same with your family. They are worried about you. And it’s not surprising considering the things you get up to. Although I don’t think it’s a big deal having a boyfriend at your age or engaging in sex. Maybe they think he is a bad influence? He probably is!
I think there’s way more here then you are telling us? I think you are doing A LOT more things that you shouldn’t, than what you are telling us? I think this boyfriend is a bad influence somehow? Or your other friends perhaps?
You are doing a lot of things you shouldn’t be doing and are then getting angry at your family for being worried about you. You are trying to push your family away because you KNOW what your doing is wrong. It’s got nothing to do with you wanting to be left alone. You don’t want to get CAUGHT. And by pushing them away you are allowing their worries more. If they don’t know what your up to their imaginations will run wild with all the things you could be doing that they don’t know about.
If you want your parents to leave you alone - then make smarter choices. Show them how mature you can be. Stop doing silly things. Take care of yourself.
As for Quinn - leave the poor girl alone. She is a victim here NOT YOU!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2021): People tend to generalise - hence there is this idea that everyone who goes off to College is a wild thing, making stupid mistakes, taking drugs, getting into debt, sleeping around and all the rest. Unfortunately this seems to be the case with you. You point out you are 21 as if you have accomplished something huge by reaching this age! Wow, big deal. My grandmother reached 102 - so what? It was quite by accident, and when you take drugs and all the rest it is more by luck than judgment. You do not get a round of applause or a medal. It would be great if you acted your age. People get judged by their choices, decisions and behaviour not their age. Some people who are much younger than you are more mature and wise than you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2021): You were a bad-influence on Quinn, and I'm glad she got away from you! After all you've heard about vaping, on top the threat of covid-19; and you're risking your health! Not to mention doing X (Xanax?)! That means you have to go through a dealer, or buy from someone who needs it; if it's not your own prescribed medication!
Your parents get into your business; because they are aware of what you're all about. They also anticipate you're likely to get yourself into trouble. They're judging you by your history and personality. They know how you are from what they've had to deal with; and this is their desperate and final effort to see if they can keep you on the the straight and narrow path. They'll give-up. If you have anxiety and you are prescribed something as serious as Xanax for panic or anxiety disorder; it's no wonder they're keeping a close-eye on you!
Maybe you're the type of person who has to learn things the hard way. Good-parents can't sleep nights; unless they know you're safe, and they've done their jobs.
Everybody goes wild when they're off to college. Not everyone knows how to keep their party-animal under control. They get wild and reckless; and experiment with drugs and sex. Some end-up flunking-out, or dropping-out; because they lose focus and direction. Some get caught-up in legal trouble, and getting expelled from school. If they don't die! I don't know you, but I will take note of how you've characterized your parents; and the way you spoke ill of Quinn. She cares about what happens to you, regardless of what you must think of her. You admit you take Xanax (or molly) as a recreational-drug; and either can be addictive. Molly is a trashy mixture of drugs! I doubt you're referring to Ecstacy/Molly...I think you mean Xanax! Worse! You "vape" pot! They all probably know you do drugs. Pot is nowhere near as serious as the others! Vaping is dangerous!
Keep-on doing what you're doing! Who can stop you? I don't believe your grades are going to stay good; with what you're doing to your lungs and your brain. You're right, that's your business!
Don't bad-mouth your parents for wanting to lookout for you. Just remember, not everyone you meet has your best interest at heart; while you're living away from home on your own for the first-time.
Do you read some of the horror stories here on DC, about what people have done to themselves? How about the stories told by people from homes where their families don't care if they live or die? They end-up drug-addicted, alcoholic, living promiscuous lives; or they have to drop-out of school, because of an unexpected-pregnancy. These are what parents hope to protect their daughters from. All they have to do is meet the wrong guy! While other parents have to worry about their sons meeting the wrong female!!! If you had your life together, maybe they wouldn't be so overprotective. From what you've described, I'm not quite sure that's the case.
After all, it's your life! It's their name you'll drag through the mud if you become addicted. They'll likely be the first to be contacted, if you overdose; or find yourself hospitalized on a ventilator from vaping! BTW, ventilators are at a premium these days, due to covid patients! You'd be lucky to find one, if you need one! I'm just saying!
You're an adult. They know you'll do whatever you please. Maybe they're judging you from your rebellious-past; but they know they have to let-go. They will, eventually. I just hope whatever values they've passed-on to you remain stored in the back of your mind somewhere. Maybe you'll put them into practice for the sake of maturity and responsibility. You may have been sneaky enough to go undetected; but parents know more than you might think.
Reckless-behavior always has a bad-ending. They are just hoping your life doesn't become one of those horror stories.
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