A
female
age
30-35,
*rueLoveWaits2016
writes:I have a bf, but I don't limit my social interactions just because I'm in a relationship. The other day a single guy asked me to a concert, just me and him. I see him when I gather w/family friends about once a year or so. Otherwise I rarely if ever see him and I have never hung out w/him. My family told me I was limiting my networking by saying no, that its not disrespectful to my bf. I wouldn't want my bf going one on one w/a single girl he barely knows, if its a group thing, that's fine. I feel like an alien, as though my decisions are so foreign. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2018): Post script:
I will give your family benefit of the doubt. Maybe they want to make sure you don't put all your eggs in one basket. Many young women tend to center their lives entirely around a guy. They cut themselves off from everyone and everything; and he becomes the center of her universe. If that is the message they are trying to convey to you, and you have no other people in your life other than that guy; your family being the exception, of course. Perhaps coaxing you to make friends and not become totally dependent within a relationship, is actually good advice, They are looking-out for you. Even if it bothers you.
I also second Honeypie's advice. You should do what's good for you. Just bear in-mind, you can't lose your entire identity into a relationship. God forbid, the guy decides to leave; it would be emotional-devastation for you. You wouldn't know who you are, or where to turn.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2018): Not knowing you personally, most of our advice is based on what you've said. Often OP's tell us one story; then comeback and tell us something almost completely different. Either they are being defensive, or not being completely honest.
The second example given is unrelated to the first. Your family probably hasn't directly told you they disapprove of your boyfriend; but you don't disprove it. Telling someone in a relationship to basically go on a date with someone else isn't expanding your horizons. It's suggesting that you see someone else; inadvertently cheating on your boyfriend.
Anyway you look at it.
Let me ask you this, if you had gone to the concert with that guy, what would have been the consequences? If you consider it disrespectful to your boyfriend, why wouldn't they?
You said your family suggested you go out with a guy, just the two of you. You have a boyfriend. Truly, only you would know their motives better than anyone else; but then I have to ask, if everything we suggest is wrong; why did you write your post? Nothing is more confusing than when someone goes into details about their situation, but disagrees with everything anyone says.
Maybe you should consider some of the advice given to you before disagreeing. You came to us for answers. If we're all wrong, I suppose you already have your answer.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 August 2018):
 Do what works for you, OP
IF your family want to socialize, tell them to go.
We all have "rules" we make up along the way, some set by family and society etc.
YOU decide how "social" you want to be and WHO you want to socialize with. While I do agree that a healthy social life is GOOD for anyone, doing it JUST because other people tell you too is not a good reason.
Like, If I was your age and dating someone and a male acquaintance asked me to a concert, I would probably talk to my BF first (not to ask his permission but to see what he feels about it - who knows, maybe he even wanted to come and then you can introduce a male acquaintance to your BF and vice verse.) THUS expanding the social circle. Hopefully.
You are not your parents, so do what feels right FOR you.
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A
female
reader, TrueLoveWaits2016 +, writes (2 August 2018):
TrueLoveWaits2016 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo just to add, I really don't think my family disapproves of my bf. They have always been this way, even before I met my bf. One time an old school acquaintance randomly messaged me on social media after more then 10 years of not even saying anything to me. I had reservations about this, but my parents told me I was being "anti social" She ended up trying to hit on me and had some hidden motives. They always tell me by not "expanding my horizons", I'm not making friends. Drives me absolutely nuts!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (1 August 2018):
 You are old enough to make your own decisions and your family are entitled to their opinions. The two things do not have to be mutually exclusive.
Allow them to voice their opinions. If you don't agree, either smile and mutter something non-committal like "I hear what you are saying" or "I'll think about it", or tell them nicely and politely that you don't agree. It doesn't sound like they are trying to force you to do anything, just voicing their opinions as families tend to do.
It is possibly they are saying this in an effort to help you (maybe they think you are a bit of a loner or spend too much time with your boyfriend?). Equally, they may have a hidden agenda, e.g. hoping you meet someone you prefer to your boyfriend. Do they approve of/like your boyfriend? If not, then I suspect their aim in encouraging you to go out and mix more is to widen your circle of friends so you have a wider choice of boyfriends.
Whatever their purpose in saying what they do, you are an adult and can choose to ignore them or politely tell them you have different views. Don't let this become a big issue between you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2018): I don't agree with your family. How sneaky?!! I think they are trying to tell you in the most subtle way...they don't necessarily approve of your boyfriend! That's sly and devious.
Obviously you see through their slick little plot; or you wouldn't have written your post. You must smell a rat?
Would it be okay with you, for your boyfriend to invite some other single-female out on a date. Just him and her?
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (1 August 2018):
 I get the feeling that your family doesn't see your BF as a serious prospect. Do you?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 August 2018):
Does thing single guy know you have a BF?
If yes, then I don't see the big deal.
Did he ask you out as a date or just an outing as a family friend?
If there has NEVER been anything romantic going on with this family friend and he just wanted company to a concert to a band/orchestra you both like, I don't see the big deal.
Does your Bf knows?
If you have told your BF, I don't see the big deal.
However,If you don't feel comfortable going on outings with single men, then don't. Stick to FEMALE friends.
And you ARE potentially limiting your social circle by not partaking with everyone who asks you to join then in something - but again. IT come down to how you feel about it.
And if you DO this, don't have double standards for your BF. Either NEITHER of you go on solo outings with an opposite sex person or BOTH of you can.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2018): You are entitled to your own view.
Your family is technically undermining your current relationship and it sounds like they have their own agenda.
Personally I think it is intrusive of them to expect you to go out to a concert with another guy while your fella waits home alone.
Who knows where this will go if you allow them to keep sticking their oar in.
Just act as if they werent so interfering in the first place and tell the guy friend you cant make it but your mum is willing to go instead of you.
He will soon provide another potential partner
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