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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Can anyone help with some words of wisdom please, to help boost my self esteem?I'm 33 and single....and have had my heart broken so many times that now I just feel depressed when I think about the prospect of meeting other men. I seem to attract the total womanisers and rats of this World, who are only interested in playing games...and nothing more.Whilst I am attractive, intelligent and confident (at least in my work and social life) - I now have no self-esteem when it comes to relationships. I feel so insecure that I think it comes across whenever I meet new men....and usually I end up being treated like a doormat, because I'm too scared to be strong for fear of losing the man.It doesn't help that I have been brought up to believe that I am "nothing" without having a man by my side. In my family, it is seen as some kind of failure, regardless of what I have accomplished in other areas of my life.And although I have a full social life, I do still feel quite empty not having someone to love.I think my emptiness, neediness, and pure lack of trust due to past hurts are causing a vicious cycle with every new man I meet. I'm scared of relating to men on an honest level. And, to be honest, I'm pretty depressed about it all.Can anyone provide some words to help give me hope? Are there any good single men out there? Has anyone been in a similar predicament, but managed to turn themselves around, and stop having negative relationships?Or, can anyone reccommend any books that can help deal with self esteem issues/bad relationships?I'd really appreciate all your comments.Thanks.Miss Lonely.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (15 January 2007):
 i know just how you feel hun, I am 31 and i have had a pretty rough time in the past with regard to relationships.
At the time you think they are the one for you, but because love is blind, unfortunately the only people who can see they are not right for you are family and friends. But at the time you just think people are interfering. Its only after a break up you realise these people were right.
Don't feel like a failure just because you have not got a man by your side, what would you prefere to be young free and single like you are, or with one of your previous boyfriends being treated like dirt.
I do know how your feeling, i really do, like you can't trust anybody. I have met a few nice girls since my bad relationship but i just can't offer them anything as i still have a major barrier around me, like you can't let anyone in.
Time is a great healer, and things will get better for you, there is a perfect guy waiting for just round the corner. Don't be in too much of a rush, you are young, attractive, intellligent. Things happen when you least expect it to.
Be confident, think positive thoughts, and positive things will happen in return.
Let me know how you are doing
Take care x
A
female
reader, lostlover +, writes (15 January 2007):
 hey hey hey!
first of all i can't belive people so close to you are saying things liek that! they should be supporting you love! secondly don't blame yourself for picking the rotten apples, because the best ones are right next to you, you're just looking to hard? cute guy in the office that would never like you you're thinking? i say try. because you never know.
If i where you i'd seek some confidence boostin time from my mates. good people to rely on in times of need! Once you feel happier try askin your friends if they know any single men. they'll already know what they're like and are unlikley to set you up with love rats!
tell me how it goes =]
xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2007): It is hard to go against the expectations your family has passed on, that you need to have a man in your life to be successful.Plus, you have gotten into some bad relationships with men who were losers. Its important to be able to relate honestly with them, and to stand up for yourself, without being overly aggressive. When a guy wants you to have sex with him, for instance, to be able to say "no, I'm not going to do that, I'm looking for a stable relationship" or whatever, and to be able to take the attitude that if he will not respect you, then - SO BE IT. You do not NEED him. Fact is, people do tend to respond to us according to how we treat ourselves.If you come across as being needy, and not wanting to lose a guy, then there is a good likelihood that he will sense that, and if he is not a decent sort, will take advantage.That you have a good social life, and are doing well at work, is to your advantage! Men (and women) don't want to think a bf/gf has so little life of their own that they want to be with him/her 24/7.I cannot recommend any self-help books. These are general-purpose publications, and personally, I have found they only gave me things to worry about that I might not otherwise have thought of (like a hypocondriac reading a medical encyclopedia, LOL).What I would recommend is to find yourself a good counsellor, a man or woman with whom you can feel comfortable and trust. If possible, a person who can offer PRACTICAL tools to help you deal with your feelings and "programming" and who can also "coach" you with practical recommendations in choosing, and continuing in, your next dating venture.I hope this is of some help! Good luck to you.
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