A
male
age
30-35,
*oviefan
writes:I've been having a lot of problems with relationships and the reason i love the girl that makes me keep trying is one that has a lot to do with how much she cares about me. Ive never felt loved at home, im a nerd and im a very eccentric person. I have a lot of interests that some people don't understand or could be found childish. This is just how ive always been this way even at a young age. The problem is very few people respect my interests in my family. My grandmother does but she may not be alive much longer and i fear everyday if i loose her what ill do. She is the only person that accepts me in my actual family completely and embraces my interests. Im an art major and ive always had a love for art and animations and comics as well as computers but the first 3 are what my family hates. I watch cartoons still not always because i enjoy them but because i love analyzing the art and just seeing how they made things the way they did and learning from it. I do love some anime story and all but most american cartoons i watch just to analyze the art. They cant seem to understand this no matter how hard i explain and seem to think anime and comics cant have a good story or my art major is not worthwhile.I can draw very well if im in the mood to which rarely happens because of my family they just act like its wrong and that i shouldn't be so into art. My family is amazed at what i can do but they also dont seem to appreciate it at the same time. My dad hates me being into anime and im pretty sure they wish my room was not covered and look at all my memorabilia, figures, collectibles, and posters would go away. They have intentionally said loud enought for me to hear that they wish my room was more adult like and left me to think about that. Ive just felt like ripping everything out of my room and sitting it out for the trash and just becoming a generic human who watches sitcoms and just follows our culture 100% percent.Ive never had a girlfriend a lot of girls find me cute but as soon as they see how eccentric and nerdy i can be they just act like im diseased here. I want to move into a bigger city just in hopes of escaping and hopefully finding someone i can love if my current girlfriend fails because her parents refuse to accept me. Check my other questions if you want more information.Its like girls see that im so abnormal except for keeping well groomed and looking handsome that as soon as they see my good appearance is tied to my interests its like its to much. Its not like i cant hold a conversation or something else is wrong with me. As soon as i met the girl i know now she loved me to death and accepts everything about me and respects me and doesn't want to change me but her parents wont give me a chance. My dad constantly rubs the fact that ive never had any long term full functional relationships in my face. Its like he is ashamed of me not being popular even tho most girls think im handsome and he connects that to my interests and i think that's why he hates my artsyness so much. This is the same reason my grandpa hates it as well. Everyone else just thinks its not worth it and i should start caring about other things more even if i have to force myself to be interested. Its like life would be so much easier if i stopped being myself and stopped being passionate about everything i love. Whats the point of living if i do that and lie to my self tho?This isnt helped by the fact ive never felt loved in my family except for by my grandma once again. She cares and she makes that loud and clear, but i know at least my mother cares and my father as well but its like at the same time they just dont show it and do a lot that screams the opposite. I don't know what to do anymore with the only girls ive ever loved i cant ever have this being the 2nd. The first used me and i kept trying and she dated me for a week and cheated with her ex and got pregnant and we never talked again i couldn't even look at her. This was cause because she was addicted to a bad boy, her parents loved me more then ive ever felt loved by my own and they actually grounded her when all this happened because they felt so bad for me and thought that was horrible for her to do to me. The second loves me and i should be able to have and i love her to death but because of her age difference her parents wont even give me five minutes of their day even tho its perfectly legal for us to do date and im probably one of the nicest guys you could ever meet ive actually had girls and guys alike say this to me. Ive had a lot of girls that cant believe im as level minded as i am as good looking as i am. They expected me to have a huge ego and maybe look down on them so im a little intimidating unless you get to know me. I just am rarely mean to anyone unless they really really upset me and even then i usually hold back and just never talk to them again until they try to talk to me or i feel its ok to so i don't cause any more pain. Im very hard to anger to begin with. What should i do about everything in my life, im loosing grasp of where i need to be and should be going. Im going threw with my major but am i wrong for feeling like i shouldnt adjust to fit anyone's elses expectations and believe in myself and be happy with myself? I cant stand not feeling loved like this and its a miracle i have any self esteem, is their anything i can do to get my parents to accepts all this more?
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grandmother, her ex, in the mood, never had a girlfriend, self esteem Reply to this Question
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male
reader, bryllef  +, writes (9 November 2010):
Dude, sounds like you have a different and difficult family dynamics. But more importantly, I think we should all follow our dreams despite what people tell us.
A famous Disney animator once said: "Brick walls are built to keep people out who don't want it enough."
Follow your dreams man. You'd later see that there is life and hope in this planet other than what you see in your place and other than what your family try to instill in your mind.
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (20 March 2010):
 I'm much heartened to hear there are other people like me who are into art and animation. I think it's sad that your family, for the most part, isn't being supportive. I'm sorry about your grandmother by the way.
I love my family, but they never understood my love for the guitar.
Just because your family doesn't support you, shouldn't undermine your confidence in your art. Sometimes, my parents support and encourage my music but when people sneer at it it makes me feel like crap.
Your career choice is yours to make... we need artists... it's not like your goal is to just sit around on welfare forever. I think you're doing something admirable.
Hey I've got an idea... why don't you post some of your art on www.deviantart.com.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2010): Not to be depressing, but I dont think there is anything you can do unless you can defend yourself and stand up to them efficiently. As you said, you already tried that, and believe me I know how it is to ask someone for respect but it feels like you're just banging your head against the wall. Leave them be, move out and away as soon as you can. In the meantime, throw a fake act on them and hide your stash away so they will think you have "grown up". Not everyone can be real and true to who they are in front of their parents. Many many many hold deep secrets from their parents, and lye every day, just to keep the family happy and together. There are those who are worse off than you when it comes to that. I hope that helps you put things in perspective. Yes it's horrible not to be loved, but you are still very young! Don't doom your life to misery because of your parents. Just think, in a few more years, you will have your own apartment that you can fill with as much anime as you want without your parents even knowing.
Fake it, like most of us do. Don't ask your parents to accept all about you, you know only the rarest of parents do. And yes, it could be worse. There are girls out there being molested by their male family members, without their parents giving a rats ass. There are those who cant come clean about their sexuality in front of their parents, thereby never being able to be in a normal relationship. And there are those whos relationship with their parents are so bad that they never talk to each other any more. So it could be worse. Turning down your eccentric behaviour for their sake is a sacrifice I believe you will be able to make, to make your own life much easier. And its only until you move out.
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