A
female
age
36-40,
*ill rae
writes:Hi im 22 years old and I am bi sexually. When I was 19 I told my parents and they were totally fine with it. Last year I started dating a guy "Josh" my parents LOVED him. But they didnt know that "Josh" was also bi. We have experimented in our relationship and tried having 3 sums to allow us to have both sexually desires but he was very uneasy with seeing another guy touch me. So we came to the understanding that as long as were open with each other it was ok if we seen other people (me seeing girls, him seeing guys) We are always safe and for him it is mainly oral play. This doesnt happen regualarly, its has only occured a few times in our relationship. Over christmas he went out for drinks with a friend and got really drunk and kissed a guy, my brother in law just happened to be at the same bar and seen the whole thing. MY brother in law came home and told my sister and parents. The following day they came to my house to tell me that Josh was cheating on me and was gay. I tried to calmly explain the situation but everything got really out of hand. My dad was mad as hell calling "josh" a ***, freak and a walking STD and my mom cried the whole time. They told me that if I conitued with the relationship that I couldnt be part of their family and left. I thought it would all blow over once things settled down but it didnt. Its been a few months now and they still wont talk to me. I found out I am 12 weeks pregnant and want them to be here for me and my baby , but how can I get tem to talk to me
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (19 March 2009):
So you didn't take any of the advice you were given here?
As I said, the emotional strain of being told you are having a baby could be enough to push them to say a load of stuff they probably don't mean.
As far as they know, you are still an abused little girl who's too in love to stand up for yourself. It's no wonder they acted the way they did.
Give them time... and try and do SOME of the stuff we advised you like talking to a brother or someone to try and make them understand.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, jill rae +, writes (19 March 2009):
jill rae is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI called my parents and told them about the pregnancy, my mom told me she wanted nothing to do with me or the baby. And my dad begged me to end the pregnncy and move home. When I said no they told me that I was making a mistake and that I shouldnt come cralwing back to them when Im all alone , raising a baby and dieing from aids. How could they be so cruel?
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (13 March 2009):
This is a toughy.
They are trying to use tough love, trying to stop you from being with a horrible guy that's going to cheat on you and probably knock you about. They want the best.
A lot of parents get told their teen is bi-sexual, and then when you came home with a boyfriend, they thought "phew it was just a phase, she is normal now." Gay and Bi people have a hard life, your parents see that it's still not (in their minds) a good thing so they want what's best for you - to be normal and straight and get married and have a nice house and a million grand kids for them.
It's going to be really hard telling them that you want to have this boyfriend AND girls, and he wants you AND boys.
Really, you are in the perfect situation for you. So many bi people go out with a straight person and then constantly think about what they are missing out on with the same sex.
Talking to your parents about your sexual desires is never exactly fun, but you have to do it.
So, I advise that you call your brother, or sister (someone from your generation who may be a little more open minded) and ask them to meet you somewhere in a cafe and just talk. Talk about how you really are bi, and if you are with a guy, you will always want to "cheat" with girls. So you found a guy that's exactly the same as you and you have this arrangement that you can go off with the same sex but be safe, and be true to each other.
If you can get them to understand then you can ask them to help explain it to your family.
Your mum and dad may listen to your brother where as they are too emotional to listen to you. They'll just think you are just in love and trying to protect him.
The pregnancy thing puts extra pressure on this situation so I'd really try and leave announcing it till you have sorted this out. It'll just make things even harder if you say you are having an evil gay guys baby which will probably be born with AIDS and grow up to be a serial killer. (I'm joking but you can see what kind of thoughts may flash across people's minds.)
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Mrs. Mom +, writes (13 March 2009):
 There's not much you can do but give them a chance to get over it. Let them know you're having a baby and would love to see them. Their desire to connect with the new baby may help them overcome their misgivings. However, be prepared to tell them at some point that they need to keep their mouths shut about Josh and your relationship.
If you and Josh are having this baby together, please consider making your relationship exclusive. A child needs a stable, orderly home to grow up in! I'm very sexually open-minded, but I feel uneasy about a child growing up with parents in an open relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): It seems like there is alot of missing information, as well as alot of loaded issues going on with you, your b/f, and your family. It might be helpful to see a counselor to help you talk through some of these issues. Counselors are tools to help you be honest with yourself about what you want, and what you need. I have only had good experiences with them myself, as it caused me to start articulating what i wanted.
This might help you be able to talk to your parents more effectively!
Generally colleges have free counseling services if you are a student. Thats the route i would go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): go see them and tell them. they will be there - they will be angry and upset for a short while. (very short) but its the only way - maybe approach them together or individually.... good luck.
Hugs Star.x.
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