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female
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*eradee
writes: MY boyfriend and i have been going out for 5 years.My mom and my sister do not agree with our relationship.They want to send me to New York to forget him.Should i go go New york then to France to see my boyfriend? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell  +, writes (20 May 2006):
 Dear Redaer,
do you know why they do not approve?
Could it possibly be they value you so much that they think only the best is good enough for you and they can't see he's the best in your eyes? They are family, they can say what they like, but at the end of the day it is down to you whether you go to New York.
You deserve your own independant life. Unfortunately this does not restrict family from coming in and nosing around all of the time. It is clear your family cares for you, otherwise they would not go to such lengths to try and convince you to do what they think is best for you. But your boyfriend obviously cares too.
Ask your family WHY they don't like him. It could possilby be that they have mis-judged your boyfriend and just need to know him better. If you have an ex, maybe they liked him better. Maybe your boyfriend has an accent that they find a little annoying. It could be soemthing small and petty as the way he walks and his favourite wine. Talk to your family, and then talk to your boyfriend. See if he is ok with your family.
Good Luck, All The Best and Blessed Be,
Phoebe
xxx
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (20 May 2006):
 It is not clear from your post why your family do not like your boyfriend, and only you can decide if their reasons are valid or not. However, you have the right to an independent life, and to make your own life choices with regard to partners etc. If you really like this guy, and it seems like you have been seeing each other for a long time, then you must go with what you feel is the right decision. However, that doesn't mean you have to be dependent on your BF and do everything he would like. You might like to go and experience NY city (which is a fab place I hasten to add) and you may have a new perspective on your relationship with your BF from living there for a while. It may make you drift apart from him, but it may make you realise how much you miss him and want to be with him. In which case, you should hop on a plane to where ever he happens to be and see him. Even if you are apart physically, there is no reason why you cannot maintain an emotional connection with your BF in this time as you have phone, email, letter etc. I was apart from my husband for a year and a half while I worked in the UK, and he couldn't get a visa for this country so I had to fight the visa authorities in court which took time. I only saw him twice in all that time and I can say that it was a test of our relationship (since we could have both had opportunities to cheat, walk away etc). That separation really brought us together and strengthened the relationship. Perhaps the same will happen for you?
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