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writes: I am 20 years old, live with my parents, and have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years. From the very start of the relationship I was very open with my family, and introduced my boyfriend to them at the start of our relationship. Despite this, my family does not seem to like him, and since my being with him they have changed their attitudes towards many things. They used to enjoy me bringing company home but now urge me to only let him stay a short time when he visits at the house. They also think that he's forcing me be his girlfriend. I have had countless talks with them, trying to understand why they're acting like this, but they always say that they do honestly like him, yet they still act the way they do. I have starting driving but they say they do not want to help me buy a car because they don't want me to drive my boyfriend around. When I speak to him on the phone they make a fuss, when I go to his house, they make a fuss, and when I bring him home they make a fuss. It's created my relationship with my family not to be as strong as it used to be, and it's affecting my boyfriend badly because his family is so fond of me, even inviting me to go abroad with them. Why does family not like him? He is so sweet and polite to them, and all he wants is for them to like him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2006): Are you sure you have no idea why they might not like him? He's polite to them, but does he respect them when they're not around? Like, does he try to create rifts between you and them? Or, does he speak badly about them? What makes you say they think he's forcing you to be his girlfriend? There's got to be a story behind that.
I feel bad for you. This is so hard, because you're young, and you like this guy. You want everyone to get along. And I suspect your family has only a gut instinct about him, which is only one reason why they can't say they don't like him. There's no logical reason. They probably just have that feeling he's not good for you. And who can defend that? Moreover, though, even if they have what they consider good reason, it would be detrimental to tell you they don't like him. They love you, and they don't want to hurt their relationship with you or cause you pain. It would really do no good to tell you. The only way is to let you find out for yourself why this guy is not up to snuff.
I met a guy, my first boyfriend. My dad hated him the instant I brought him in the house. My family couldn't stand him. I just didn't get it. The sun rose and set on this boy, in my eyes. It took me a long time to see it, but he turned out to be a huge jerk. When I broke up with him, my family heaved a sigh of relief and revealed how I always knew they felt. They could see him when I couldn't.
And if they're totally wrong, they'll warm up in a while. Give it time and try not to get too mad at them. Remember that they're doing it out of love for you.
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