A
female
age
30-35,
*incessk17
writes:Dear agony aunt, i recently posted a qeustion regarding the same situation but just need a bit more adviceIve been dating a 56 year old man and im 18, weve been together 7months and i have never been happier. At work we dont tell anyone about our relationship and we dont want to either because we know people will disagree. My family no ive been acting a bit distant and everything because they dont no either, i really want to tell my mum as shes said to me if anything is going on then she wouldnt mind. Next week were going sctoland for 3days and were leaving about 6:30am to leave so i dont want to lie i really want to tell her.Theres also a problem, i have sisters who say its disguting and its wrong and really dont want them to know. i really need some adviceLove princesskxx
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male
reader, Dai1986 +, writes (20 December 2010):
Look you are 18-2 years above the age of consent-so he isn't really doing anything wrong however I would still tell your mum (albeit, break it to her gently)that you will be going away for a few days and anyway this holiday could let you get to know him better to see what he is like!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2009): i am 27 years old on my way to divorce from a man who is 24 years older than me. we have been together for 6 years with two kids 5 and 6. i am taking care of them myself. everything was good until i got a job and became very independant. as long as i waited on him which i did hand and foot and took care of the house and kids he was fine. My mother was very upset because we got married. at the time i was 4 days into my 20 year old b-day. when we got married. I guess i got older and his maid was gone. he push me out of my house with our kids and here i am doing everything for myself. thank the lord for the job i got when i was with him. i still think age is just a number, but at times i miss being in my 20's. i miss going out with friends and having a good time. I am now in a relationship with someone that is 65 years old. my mother isn't here she died. if she was she would have a fit. we get along good. everything is glittery and shine. he doesn't hide me from the world. we work together everyday the only this is when it come time for me to get my kids he goes home and i go to my home. he is wonderful to me and my kids. we have talked about marriage, but he and i both realize the age difference is a big thing when it comes to marriage. he and i both know that when the time comes he possibly want be here. it is the hardest thing for me to understand but deep down inside i do. i love him so very much and he loves me. we spend alot of time together as a family, but we do not live together because of my kids. I have to set an example for them and that will be a good one. i do not show any affections with my friend in front of them and he don't either. it your boyfriend loves you and really cares about you and your future he will not hide you first of all, he should be proud to have a young woman on his arm. honey its not the age difference he is worried about it is something else. you should be really prepared when you let your mother know. You need to have a very good defense. why would he not go with you to your mother. you shouldn't have to handle that alone. Good Luck sweetie. I hope you all the best in life. you're young i was too at one time and stupid. I thought it was everything to have a man older that really loved me. I found out that he loved me as long as i depended on him. Be very independent for yourself. You don't need to be dependent upon someone. they will leave you sooner or later. if not divorce it may be death. be prepared. my mother was 31 when she died and my father didn't know how to do any business.
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A
female
reader, DeserveMore  +, writes (30 March 2009):
 Wow. I know a thing or two about age difference, but the difference in my relationship is only about 15 years. You are in a tough spot. Falling in love is so tough... It is one of those things that makes you loose sight of the potential pitfalls and hurt that is just around the corner. Right now it is great... you are on cloud nine... the only thing that matters is that your heart flutters, as does his, when you enter his presence. The problem is, that won't last forever... your differences (albeit an "age" thing- such an unpopular stance I am taking) will become more obvious as the glitter wears down. If all of this glitter and sparkle leads you down a path of kids and marital commitment, you could be putting yourself in the path of a semi barreling down the highway.Right now, the risks of heartache seem worth it... all for just five more minutes of glitter and stars and violin music... after about 1-3 years, it will be a quite different story. You will realize that you are tired of being hidden, that you actually resent it and deep down know that it is more HIS fear of being judged that drives him to hide you away than it is GENUINE concern for you. You will start to notice the ways that he treats you like a child... whether intentionally or not... and although, initially, you may have liked it, you will realize that your idea of finding love wasn't enlisting a life-long nursery keeper. You will start to resent the way he treats you like a child.He has been around corners that you haven't been... he is at a different place... you are barely an adult, he is a senior citizen, by most counts. Why does this matter, you may ask??? Age is just a number, you say??I know I wouldn't have wanted to hear any of this at your age, were I in your situation, but the bottom line is that you are still forming who you are. He has been well set as to who he is for about 30 years. You are at the point in your life where you could very well go to bed and wake up with an entirely different outlook on life. Your core, your character is literally being formed right now. As much as this may be hard to hear, it is true and you will realize it in about ten years. Sadly, in ten years, you will be reaching your prime and he will, unfortuately, be trying to figure out a less painful way to climb the stairs each night. I know, I know, love conquers all, right? Unfortunately, the LOVE part is mixed in with your character formation right now and that means your very desires can change from one day to the next. It isn't very fair to him, either. Your age difference isn't so much an AGE difference as it is a life-stage difference. If you were to have met him in fifteen years and you were 33, he 71 and you were convinced this was the love of your life, then I would say go for it and don't let anyone tell you not to... you would both be in a position to make a fair and life-stage based decision about love commitment. Infortunately, you are just not there... no matter how tough your life has been, or how much you have been through, you just aren't there.... a sponge can only absorb so much, no matter how large the bucket of water they find themselves in may be.It will hurt to leave the glitter and violins... but it will hurt more in the long run if you don't do it soon. You are looking for something--- trying to fill a whole, a need... .Unfortunately, though it may seem like this fits the bill, it does not.... It is merely emptions deceiving you.Good Luck and God's Speed.
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reader, Pincessk17 +, writes (30 March 2009):
Pincessk17 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys lots.
I think my mums prepared or knows something because my sisters have been reading my txts and she said to me if you are going out with him just tell me, shes told my older sisters she isnt botherd about it, im 18 and old enough to choose what i want, and so have 2 of my older sisters
i just dont no how to explain to her as its like you lots said a big age gap, but at the end of the guy we both love each other to bits and its nobodys buisness accept the people i wish to tell
Thank you guys :]
xx
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reader, Pincessk17 +, writes (30 March 2009):
Pincessk17 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni dont think he using me at all.Theres a friend of oura that knows about us and he tells me hese always saying to him i mean the world to him and everythingi dont think he using me, because he never ever pressures me into anything and always so kind to mehe would do anything for me
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (30 March 2009):
 Probably. The question is do YOU think he's using you?
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female
reader, Pincessk17 +, writes (30 March 2009):
Pincessk17 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey thanks for the replies
were hiding are relationshop because we just both dont think its anyone buisness. He is in no way taking advantage of me, hese single and im old enough not to take crap of him. I love him to bits, i just need some advice on how to tell my mum, things would beccome so much eaiser
do you think hese using me?
help :(
x
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (30 March 2009):
Why are you hiding your relationship? Just bring everything out in the fresh air. You're old enough to make your own choices and to endure the consequences. I wonder what the 56 year old has to hide?
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (30 March 2009):
 In my honest opinion, people have reason to worry about this big age gap. We're talking about thirty-eight years. That's a very, very big difference in mindset, experience, behavior and future expectations. He could be your grandfather. So, I understand why people disagree.
When a relationship has this big an age gap, I invariably think someone is abusing someone. In this case, I think he's taking advantage of his much greater foresight, at your expense. I believe that he knows that this relationship can't last long. Over time, your different views, expectations, et cetera, will come to the surface, and they will be next to impossible to reconcile. Maybe it hasn't happened yet, but I am afraid it will.
Now, I'm not trying to lecture you, and you don't need a lecture. You're an adult and you come here asking for help, and that's what I have to give. I honestly hope that's what I did with the two paragraphs above.
If both of you are in a relationship, then both of you have to stand your respective grounds no matter what people think. I know that disapproval from parents and relatives, and perhaps even friends, is difficult to deal with, but then you're both adults and you should be able not to worry about what people say.
It seems he works where you work. Whose idea was it to keep it secret? His, or yours? Is he single? What does his family think about the relationship? Has he introduced you to his family? Has he mentioned your existence? If he hasn't, then I'm afraid I have to say he's a coward, at the very least. At 56, he should know way better than caring about what people say. I'm afraid that it might be that he doesn't want the relationship to become public, because he does not intend to commit in the long term.
I hope I'm wrong about him.
Wish you the best.
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