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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: My ex and I met through a mutual friend and instantly connected. He was talking to someone and so was I, so we were strictly friends, but the more we talked about things the more we realized how much we had in common with what we wanted out of a relationship and in life so when the people we were talking to didn't work out, it was pretty natural for our feelings for each other to develop. We talked every day for about 4 months before we decided to make things "official" and when we did we were both very happy! We considered each other best friends as well as lovers and we would talk every day about everything as well as spend a lot of time together. One of my biggest problems however was that I held back in telling him when things were wrong for fear of him withdrawing and he would always tell to tell him when there was a problem, but when I did he started to withdraw. He stopped wanting to hang out and do things as much, we stopped talking as much and he just had a nonchalant attitude about things which made me push harder to try and work things out. I was constantly trying to talk to him, see him and work out things but it would lead to arguments and complaining that eventually lasted for 3 months. He kept telling me to chill and to stop but I couldn't. He started flirting and talking with other females knowing they liked him and it just made things worse for me. I became an emotional wreck and so we broke up. He'd say things like "it's too much right now, but maybe later in the future" but it still just made me try harder to talk. All I wanted from him was for things to be good again, to spend time together and talk like how we used to.We have now broken up because of all the constant arguing and "drama" and I can't get over it. I can't help but blame myself for everything and I keep getting the urge to text or call him to try and talk and work things out which is really the last thing he wants. He's already back to talking to and hanging out with other girls which was all that I wanted from him. Help me! Was all of this my fault? How do I move on and get over him?
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male
reader, ilikequestions  +, writes (19 January 2011):
I'm sorry no-one has replied to you yet. He use a 'Honesty is my middle name' game on you. He was never ready to hear the truth (maybe a little), and got you to spill everything yourself so he dodn't have to find out later. I'm sorry but in one way it is good to have the truth out there all on the table, but it has the best success rate if done in the first few days/weeks. That way if they can't handle it or deal with it, both can move on without a ton of attachment built. I can hear your pain in there. My suggestion is if you really do love him and want something from him, you have to forget him and start over. Do something with your life and look for something else in the meantime. Learn more about yourself and what you can and cannot change. When you meet again, you may see that he isn't for you because he couldn't accept who you were.
Basicaly what I am trying to say is, be yourself, and if that isn't working for them, then move on. You have honesty, doubts, fears, etc. A true man that loves you will listen to you, and answer you in a fair amount of time. A selfish man will push your feelings aside, screw you and get what he wants. I know you know the difference.
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