A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:i married a woman 23 younger than me and our relationship lasted 7 yrs during which we had a child.when we divorced i raised my son alone with little attention from his mother for 10 years. he is now 14 and my present job makes it very difficult to handle him alone so i reintroduced him somewhat by surprise into his mother's life. Her past ten years has been very rockywith multiple relationships, but for the present she seemed to be holding her own alone with just a paying roomate. she has had a roomate almost my age for about 11/2 years. They live in seperate rooms, and now my son stays over her house about every other night. He is enjoying his mothers attention very much.and i feel very good about her being back in her life. My problem is the roomate. My ex has always come to me for legal advice and help because i am a paralegal. also when it comes to household questions, etc. she has sought my advice and help. Now in comes this roomate. I personally don't see much in him other than another guy who wants to get in my ex's panties and perhaps has done so. It's not my business and i really have gotten over any jealousy for someone whom i could not have a trusting relationship with ever again. but this guy is stuck to her like gum on her shoe when i show up to have a personal discussion with her or to share some information with her that she has asked for. His body language clearly tells me he wants to be in total possession of her and her time, and yet he doesn't have the cajones to say anything to me directly. My son has heard them fighting over his jealous moods about me. Recently my ex had a semi serious operation and asked me to do some things for her concerning her work. I did so just because i could.when i went to the hospital to visit and bring my son to see his mom the roomate again is with her like gum on a shoe. He purposely dotes over her when i am there and acts like there is more to their relationship than there clearly is. He has become annoying. There are times i would like to just sit and talk with my ex about things that are important to us, like my son and other personal private things we may want to share. She is latin and i am fluent in spanish so we can talk in front of the roomate without him knowing exactly what we are saying but it has come to the point that i feel i need to tell him that his company is not wanted in our personal conversation. Would this be alright and just exactly how should i do this without offending my ex who is not at all aware of this display of possesiveness. i feel like he is trying to totally control her time, especially when i come over. It is not like he doesn't have time with her because when ever he is off he offers to drive her in her car (an suv) anywhere and everywhere. He is always with her and thats o.k. except like i said when i feel we need to talk about things concerning our mutual considerations. can u advise me.old and frustrated.
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female
reader, Jendorset  +, writes (3 February 2007):
Well, first off...if you really wanted to annoy him. You could take your ex and your son somewhere to eat if you have disgussions. Thats if you want to annoy him. But in general, you should just say, do you mind leaving the room its private. If he says no i live here. Then go in a diffrent room. If he still follows, then go in the car or outside or something. Theres going to come a time when you will snap with him. So just tell him it doesnt concern him as its about your son and it isnt anything to do with him. You might as well sort him out now while you are still bothering to be polite. Other wise your going to go off at him. Why dont your son and your ex both live with you. Then you dont have to let him in the house. Also, beware of him. He sounds like someone you cant trust. Is there any signs that hes violent ? And anyway, he should get his nose out considering your sons spending time there you should be aloud as much privacy with your ex as you want. Just tell him where to go.
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