A
female
age
36-40,
*atedthat
writes:Alright I am going to try to make this as short as possible but advice would be appreciated. So 4 years ago I broke up with the nicest guy ever who truly loved me and wanted to follow me. We dated for around 3-4 years and he is 5 years older than me. I come to find out that he had suicidal thoughts after we broke up according to him. Anyhow we have texted over the yrs and randomly would get together when I was in town. Well the last year he has been distant and would not meet up with me. He knew I was moving back home and being very weird. He starts texting or repling to my texts and I come to find out form his friend he has a gf, which I did not know about nor did he tell me. Well I talked to him on the phone when I moved back and put him on the spot and asked if he lived with her and he reluctantly said yes. Like he didn’t want to tell me. Well for the last couple of months we have texted on and off, still has not met up with me and not sure why he just doesn’t tell me ot leave him alone or ignore me if he doesn’t want to talk to me. Well I was gonna hang out with his brother and his best friend one night. I asked if he was with them. The next morning he calls. Then later on in the week he was like we should meet up, im not good at texting. Keep in mind he will text me when hes working but not when hes home. I have no intention of breaking him and his gf up . That has happened to me, I just wanted to see him once and catch up. Well when he asked my schedule 4 days ago. I told him and he has ignored me since. The last thing I said is that are you engage? And he said no, why do I ask and I said because your finally agreeing to meet up. Then I said I know that it will never happen because hes scared im ognna beat him up. Anyways fast forward to me talking ot his best friend. Somehow they thought I wanted to hook up with someone in their group, which is offensive because they know or should know im not like that. I said should I just stop trying to talk to him because being his best friend he would be the best to know. He said hes not sure if he can or should answer that. Also he was like you should tell my ex that I strictly want to be friends so to not “confuse the man!”. Later he said that again “tell him you want to be friends to limit confusion on his part” And he was like I dont want to see his relationship get messed up because he is happy. My question is, what is he talking about with this confusion. Why does me saying I want to be his friend clear up confusion on his part?? I am just lost on what is he trying to say to me. Also, why is my ex being weird with me. If he is truly happy or does not want to talk to me, why doesn’t he just say Listen I am happy leave me alone or ignore me. I deleted his number and unless he contacts me, I cant, but someone break it down to me.
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female
reader, hatedthat +, writes (1 September 2008):
hatedthat is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRight this second because how bothered i am by everything, i think i may be interested in him. But i am not sure if that has to do with how hes treating me and being wishywashy with me. Its hard for me to say yes o rno because i havnt sat down and talked ot him in a long time, let alone see him.
i am positive as i can be without physically seeing the girl. Just by his actions and his friends being the one to say anything about it casually like i knew. Or saying her name when talking about me ruining it.
As a guy, why would he not just say listen leaveme alone or ignore me all together?
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (1 September 2008):
Well if you are content to be his friend then back off as you realise you are obviously causing conflict in his mind and therefore his relationship.
He can contact you again when he's single.
You two obviously have unfinished business but you just have to put it on hold or his girlfriend is going to get hurt.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, hatedthat +, writes (1 September 2008):
hatedthat is verified as being by the original poster of the questionsee i am trying to do that but i say i only want to be his friend because that is all i could possibly be in his life right now. I am not going to throw myself or hurt other people when he is in a relationship. I will always love the guy, which he may not know or completely understand. He was my first everything and i had to let him go due to my future with school. I know it is selfish of me to even try to talk to him or even feel hurt because its not fair of me but i have grown up from the 18 year old i was when i left to the 23 year old i am now.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (1 September 2008):
He clearly still has feelings for you. This is why he's keeping you a secret from his current girlfriend, and kept his current girlfriend a secret from you.
He tried to keep his distance but you keep nagging him to come and meet you so he assumes you really want to see him.
You say repeatedly that you have no interest in this guy as more than a friend so just back off and leave the poor guy alone. You are obviously causing trouble for him in his mind, and if his girlfriend found about about you she'd be really hurt.
Stop contacting him and accept that he's moved on and you being in his life may not be the best thing.
Good Luck!! xx
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