A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was in a relationship for 7 yrs, but have since seperated. He left me for my friend and neighbour. Its been 5 months now that "tom" has been living with my old neighbour "carry". Tom came over on the weekend to pick up our 2 kids for his visite but imstead he decided to stay and he told me how he whanted me but "things won't work between us". we eneded up having sex and he'd like to continue having sex with me but he still whants to live with carry. i still care about him and im not sure how to handle this.. please help?????
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhow should i handle my ex..after telling his mom we slept together, he heleted me from msn. He calls here everynight still to talk to the kids and hes very nice to me on the phine i just said there done talking and hang. i'm at a loss how to deal with him and i don't whant to fight anymore.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2007): thank god for your dilemma i am exactly the same his family know his g/f knows but chooses to ignore it he will be found out soon i hope just like my ex just hope it is sooner rather than later keep your chin up and laugh at him
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female
reader, Lilly223  +, writes (22 January 2007):
 No, you weren't wrong by telling his mother. She needs to be aware that he is using her too, just as he is/was using you. If she doesn't want to hear it, at least you told her, if she did want to hear it then she can take steps not to enable him and aid him in his games. Good for you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionover the weekend he had the kids, he refused to answer the phonewhen i called to say goodnight to them, and refused to allow me to talk to them he started saying i was harrassing him...i got mad and called his mom and found out my kids were with her instead of with him, so i decided to tell his mom what was realy going on between tom and me..was i wrong?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all, you're all right. he is a pig and i do need to let him go. he is so not worth it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007): Hey...Sounds like he's using you for the sex. If he doesn't want to come back to you but he still wants to have sex with you, it isn't a good sign. It may be hard, but say no to him when he comes round again. Don't be his doormat, send him back home to Carry!! Good luck -x-
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007): WHY ARE YOU EVEN CONSIDERING THIS?
It should be a no brainer. Are you really happy to be used in this way?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007): ditto i am in exact same position as you only he did not leave me for her but the senario is the same only he says he's leaving her and want some kind of relationship with me (sex) anyway this has happend 3/4 times in the past where he has come back to me lived with me for week and then had to go back so i told new g/f what he had been up to she knewclaimed she kicked him out only to phone txt every living minute well that was over a yr ago and he still phones every weekend told him to f/off but before xmas he phoned begging to see me i said no but he called that much i send him txt to beat it he then tryed to woe me with text so i played the game till it got to the dirty text i still have all his txt on my phone he and i am considering send them to his g/f if he contacts me again use that saying if you can get mad get even.oh and i was with this a hole for 18 yrs
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007): You should not of slept with him in the first place. He is having his cake and eat it. Have some respect for yourself! don't let him do this to you. Tell him to get lost with attitude. You are not portraying yourself in a very good light!!!
Take care
xx
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A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (16 January 2007):
 Tom as in Tom cat is a very good name for him, but I do understand how you let him sleep with you, when you love someone and have two children to them and 7 years history it is not easy to just switch that off no matter how much he hurt you sleeping and then moving in with your friend.
He has taken advantage of you when you are at a low ebb and maybe feeling down, you also have gone from lots of sex to no sex and this is also part of the issue, as well as the need to feel wanted and loved and to have someone to comfort you even if it is your cheating love rat.
So whilst you know no good will come of it, it still happened and what you have to do now is decide if you want him in your life sexually or not, all this of course is made more difficult as he will continue to see you when he collects the kids.
My advice is to try and find someone else to share your bed with as you have not yet moved on, this will help sexually and will help increase your low confidence.
I do have a strong feeling that you will allow him to sleep with you again and some of this maybe your need to punish your ex friend by sleeping with the man she stole from you and although wrong I suspect I would do the same, but it is not right and it does make moving on take longer and I would advise you tell him that he has made his bed across the road now go lie in it and stay in it.
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A
female
reader, stars224 +, writes (16 January 2007):
Ha! I will lay $100 that he is grinning from ear to ear like the cat the got the cream. He has his cosy set up with your NEIGHBOUR, as if that wasn't bad enough, she was also your friend before she decided to bag your hubby. Then, he thinks to himself "hmm, i'm bored now, think I will go and see if I can go and sleep with my ex for some excitement" and you have actually fallen for his charms. And so far, he has gotten away from it. I don't know how men like that sleep at night, or where they get their energy from. Please remember the lonely nights when you have been upset, and angry, knowing that he is sleeping a few feet away with another woman that you thought was your friend. Please do not let this man continue using you as a sex toy. regardless of wether you have kids with him or not. Have more respect for yourself, and spend time on your own for a while, doing things that you enjoy. And let this creep cheat on your cheating friend with someone else.
take care and good luck
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A
female
reader, Lilly223 +, writes (16 January 2007):
Why would you allow yourself to be a doormat for this guy? You are aware that this is wht he is asking of you don't you? He leaves you for another woman, wants to continue to live there, tells you it will never work, but I still want you to care enough about me to sleep with me?! What sounds right about that? I understand that sometimes it is hard to let go of someone you cared about, but you are never gonna let go and get a back bone if you sleep with this guy. he's a dog to even ask this of you, and you need to gain a back bone and tell this guy, he made his choice, deal with it.
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male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (16 January 2007):
 Tom wants his cake and eat it too. Bully for him. You need to tell Tom to go back to "Carrie", and to stay out of your drawers. . . unless you enjoy being used.
Good luck!
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