A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need help. My ex wife wont talk to me about my kids and disagrees with everything I want to do. I cant get my 7 year olds ears pierced, take our 5 year old skating, go to my nieces grad party, aunts funeral got shut down. I need to know why she hates me so much? She claimed I was abusive to my kids and her emotionaly and I know that is hard but when she says she cares but doesn't care then is mean as hell, it confuses the hell out of me. Please help because I don't know what to do. Thank you for your time.
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female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (17 December 2009):
You sound like you might be a little messed up. If you have been in your children's lives consistently and have spent regular time with them then there wouldn't be a problem. If you have been abusive (which includes neglect) and your ex has suffered alone with them then you need to defer to her on decisions regarding the kids. As a mother I can understand her not wanting in their lives a man who promises to do stuff with the kids then never shows up again for months and the poor kid is running to the window each day with so much hope only to be broken hearted until the next false promise... Such a father should have limited say to protect the kids from disappointment. But trying to bribe a 7 year old with piercings is just inappropriate and most parents would never agree to such. Why can you not first try to be consistent (coming when you said you would, school recitals, parent/teacher conferences etc?). If you want more responsibilities why cant you start with normal stuff like taking them out for pizza or movie or something? At the end of the day, you have legal rights but even a judge will limit them if your complaint is that your ex prevents you from doing piercings. Another important thing; if you abuse your ex, especially in front of the kids then you might as well forget them all.
A
female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (17 December 2009):
 I'm with LazyGuy. Why piercing, of all things? Here ear-piercing (ONE hole for each ear) is usually done to children while they are babies. It's also usually at the mother's request. Now, if you have abused your ex wife, she has every right to not trust you with her children, wouldn't you think? Also, maybe your ex would allow you time with them if you suggested other activities? Skating could be dangerous, and going to funerals is not recommendable for a child that is too sensitive and not only. You suggest some activities that are not the norm. And if your ex says you are emotionally abusive, I wonder how much of this is true. If you know you have such tendencies by all means take steps towards becoming a better person and start to break free from the abuser pattern, see a therapist, read some books, then face your ex with your changed attitude and with a willingness to play by her game's rules if you know she has reasons to doubt you.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (17 December 2009):
 You lost me at getting a 7 year olds ears pierced.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2009): You need to get an attorney and file for your parental rights. You won't be able to get your 7 year olds ears pierced without your wife's consent but she will have to allow you to spend time with your kids.
She is trying to force you out of her life and your kids lives. She has the right to do the 1st one but the 2nd one is up to you.
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