A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my ex-boyfriend very late last year, but I am struggling to move on. We were together for 2 1/2 years, and we had been hoping to move in together. He started working all the hours God sends to try to save enough for a deposit which I was so grateful for, but I was barely seeing him towards the end of our relationship. We also lived nearly an hour away from each other which meant that we tended to see each other on Sundays (only day we had off work together).I can accept that we drifted apart, but I am finding it really hard to move on from the fact that towards the end he was acting totally out of character.Just over two months before we split up, I was having a really rough time at work and was quite withdrawn. Whilst he asked me what was going on, I felt that he didn't offer me any support. Just after that, I asked him to come out for my birthday but he didn't blow me out once, but twice, so we never did go out for my birthday. He did verbally wish me a Happy Birthday, but I never got a card or a present from him. I appreciate that some men may not place much emphasis on this and in some ways it doesn't really matter, but previously my ex had really made a big deal about my birthday so I felt really bad about it, like I was being punished for something. I tried to ask my ex what was going on that was making him be like this, but he gave me no answer. Myself, my friends and family all thought that at last I had met 'The One' and for the first time they were all teasing me about wedding hats! They thought he was great, as did I, and in fact they still speak of him from time to time.Anyway, in the end my ex boyfriend decided that things weren't working out and ended things (although at the time I didn't realise he had ended things - I had said that I didn't think things were working out either and asked him what was wrong/was there someone else and I never heard from him again!)I have started dating again, although I'm not really interested. I think I have a bit of a mental block. I just don't know how I'll ever trust someone again not to change character like my ex did. My ex went from the most loving, affectionate, generous, kind-hearted man you could ever wish to meet to totally cold. I know there are two sides to every person, but I don't know if I would ever be able to trust someone enough not to do this to me again?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2010): I am so sorry about your boyfriend. It sounds like he just lost interest and moved on.
Betrayal is hard, but there really are trustworthy people out there. Sometimes needs and cicumstances change and people drift apart. Distance and time apart can be killers in a relationship.
Try to keep from putting up walls. We tend to do that to keep from being hurt again, but in the process of keeping others out we wall ourselves in. We find outselves withdrawing from the world around us. Please do not do this because it is a dark and lonely place.
I know it is a cliche but it really is better to have loved and lost, than to never experience the feeling of love. Pain and hurt, disappointment, love, laughter, tears, joy ...these are all emotions that we need to feel at times to experience life.
I hate the times of pain, but without them we can not truly appreciate the joys of life.
Try to enjoy the new relationship, take it one day at a time. Do not compare him to your last boyfriend, and hope he doesnt compare you to his ex. We are all individuals with different values and moral compasses. Dont put your new guy in the mold of the old one. ;)
I wish you well, mal
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