A
female
 ,
*littleredcutiex
writes:I wrote before about my ex. And i was just wondering what any of you people think i should do?My ex says he still wants to see me three times a week, but he wants to be friends for the time being and see how things go. He said we'll see how things are in two weeks. What do you think i should do, wait and give him time? He says he wants to be with me but feels like he can't. We spilt up because i was causing arguments most of the time when we weren't together. The thing is what confuses me is that we don't argue when we are together, just when we are apart, i get stupid things in my head and start believing them and phone him up and have a go at him. I'm really upset because i know i'm pushing him away, and he says he can't do it anymore and its messing his head up.by the way we had been together a year and 3 months.How can i put things right?
View related questions:
my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, xlittleredcutiex +, writes (18 August 2006):
xlittleredcutiex is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all for taking the time to replying to me.
thanks espicially to A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2006). - you have been a great help, i just have to respect what he wants. I know i have to refuse to act on what i think, and not phone him up
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2006): You admit that when you are not with your boyfriend, you start finding things to worry about which results in phoning him and being nasty.
It is all too easy to think up things to be insecure and worried about, when there is no reason. I've been there, done that (a long time ago).
You have to realize that you ARE pulling this stuff literally out of thin air. Knowing that its all in your head, you have to then REFUSE TO ACT ON IT. When you get the urge to ring him up and have an argument - DON'T. Talk to a trusted friend; talk to a counselor; watch a good TV program; go for a walk; read a good book; go out with friends - whatever it takes to distract yourself.
In other words, you have to think of ways to outwit yourself, if you don't want to lose him. Unless you can conquer this controlling behavior, you most likely WILL lose him.
What is sad about this is that you know you're pushing him almost to the breaking point where he will cut off all contact if you keep up the pressure. And, you know what? You will have brought it about by your own efforts.
As it stands now, you seem to be working very hard to drive him away.
Final piece of advice: IF and WHEN something happens that makes you really feel anxious - I'm talking about things such as you hear he's dating another woman, or he tells you he wants to date others - THEN you will have something to worry about. I hope it doesn't get to such a point.
For goodness sake, ease up on this man! He said he wants to be just friends right now and see how it goes. You MUST respect that, and under no circumstances attempt to get him to change his mind.
Carrying out the suggestions I've listed is the only way to "put things right."
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2006): I think it's a case that he likes you but is not ready for commitment. If he was truly 100% yours then you wouldn't have these nagging doubts about him. I too was in a relationship like yours for about 3 years. When we spent time together it was fantastic, but when we were apart all these doubts popped into my mind. In the end it ground me down and even though I was heartbroken at the time I could no longer be his 'friend with benefits'. Many months have passed, I do miss him, he has been in contact but I know it's only to resume the 'friends with benefits' scenario. I need more than that and I believe you do too, so you've got to be strong and find someone who can give you the 100% that you are prepared to give them.
...............................
A
female
reader, xlittleredcutiex +, writes (17 August 2006):
xlittleredcutiex is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your help.please i would appreciate more replies.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ellis74 +, writes (17 August 2006):
You remind me of myself a few months ago. I was seeing someone who could only manage to see me, if i was lucky, 2 maybe 3 times a week and always on his terms. I fell deeply in love with him and to this day still think he is my sole mate and he will always be special to me. Anyway, it always caused arguments when we were not together and he too couldnt cope with it but when we were together it was truly amazing!!! For the last 6 months of being together things got worse and we were more like friends (its how he wanted it for the time being) - thing is it was friends with benefits and every time i approached the subject he still couldnt commit to a proper relationship and I was just "messing up his head" just like you. I listened to friends give me advice but never took it because of the fear of losing him. 3 months ago I told him it was over - no more friendship/contact - I couldnt risk him telling me a further 1 or 2 months down the line having waited patiently, that he still couldnt committ. Its not been easy but I moved on and have recently met someone who makes time for me and in time who knows what will happen. Just think long and hard about it and like me, in this instance, use your head not your heart as your heart will always say "wait" - you will find the answer. Good luck x
...............................
|
