A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I just really need to vent. I already did some to my boyfriend but I still can't get it out of my head. I'll give some of the back story. Okay I dated a guy a year and a half ago, we dated for a little over a year. It was an awful relationship. He was loud and backed me into corners when angry, a liar of epic proportions- just couldn't tell the truth to save his life, and a loser- jobless and when he got a job he would call out or not show up because "his lips hurt" (swear to god that was a for real excuse), and put blame on everyone else for all his problems. I wasn't great in this relationship either, I take blame that I stayed out of fear of being alone. I was controlling, which started out after the lying constantly. So I would check his phone etc. For a strange reason I did like the guy as a friend. I could talk easily to him about anything. I had this mistaken for love. I knew I wasn't in love but thought I had loved him in some form. Anyhow we broke up after some explosive fight in which he scared the shit out of me and threw my things around, I told him to leave. He was finally out of my life for a few weeks. We talked a bit and became good friends after awhile and lasted a few months as friends.I then met my current bf last dec. My ex and I stopped talking shortly after. It came in the form of a falling out over an accident at work. We were supposed to hang out that night and he kept kind of backing away sounding like he didn't want to. Then the night came to hang out and he called and said he fell off a roof at work and he can't hang out. I went off. First of all, what the fuck? Fell off a roof and can't walk but didn't go to a damn hospital or doctor?? I knew him. I knew he lied constantly and made up shit about work and injuries for sympathy or to get out of things he didn't want to be doing. I cussed him out and said I didn't want to speak to him anymore. I can't have undependable people like that in my life. Especially so called friends.I gave the back ground story to help you to understand my frustration now. So we stopped talking altogether after he "fell off a building". He showed up at my job about 2 months ago. I am no longer angry at him, why would I be? It had been about 6 months since the roof incident and I had honestly forgotten about him. So when he showed up we talked and caught up a little. He met a new girl and said he had proposed to her. Then he just started talking about everything in their relationship. We used to be able to talk really well together so I guess that's why, but still it had been so long and to open up so much was a little odd. I had been with the same guy since we had last talked so I just said we are still doing well. He told me some about his current gf, she's great blah blah. But then after talking a bit he started telling me little things like she was getting fat. They don't have sex. I'm way better at blow jobs than she is. She's okay but not as fun as I am. that he missed me a lot. He even complimented my ass! I was nice throughout the entire conversation, as I said I had no reason to still be mad with him. We said our goodbyes and he gave me his number and tried to get my number. He gave me his girlfriend/fiancee's work schedule and told me to call anytime during the week bc she doesnt check his phone and he was unemployed (no surprise there). I told him I didn't think it'd be a good idea. That Ryan, my current bf, doesn't like him and I won't be talking behind his back. So I didn't give my number and that was the end of that. Now about a week ago my sister texted me that he had posted a comment about me on facebook. I don't have a facebook, nor would I have been friends with him on there if I had. She said he was saying I was demonic and thank god he got away from me and has a new perfect girl and amazing fiancee... My sister was pissed. I was kind of wanting to let it go because he is just a liar and pathetic and fake and I wanted him to just be gone. She responded to his post anyway to stand up for me. She said something about him showing up at my job and that he wouldn't be doing that if I was so demonic etc. Well he deleted everything off his wall and commented on her wall that I am a liar, he showed up at my job to buy food and didn't think I would be there(bs lie, I work at a tiny gourmet food store with only 3 people and he could see my car long before he even got inside), and said he hated me and I am bitter because he has a great girl. Wtf? A couple posts went back and forth until he posted that I made everything up, he doesn't miss me, I just want to ruin his life because I have no life and nothing better to do. And that I am crazy and a truly bad person. Mainly because of the roof incident. I could ignore most, expect that I am a bad person. Really? He shows up at MY job, hits on me, talks shit about his gf, lied constantly while we dated, and I am a horrible person? And crazy? I commented back to that one. I said he was lucky I didn't tell his gf things about her he told me that I would've only known from him. And that he was the one still making comments on fb about me after all this time so he should be the one needing to get a life. And that if he has nothing to hide and I am the one lying about the entire thing, then why delete everything off his page so the gf couldn't see it? He never responded. He took my sister off his friend's list. Which in my opinion proved he was lying, he had nothing to say when I was the one confronting him and not my sister. The thing is, I am still mad about it. I can't stand being called a liar. And I can't stand the thought that he is doing the same shit to the current girl that he did to me and he is getting away with it. The first time I realized who he was it was only because I had come across something he hid from me on his computer. What if she actually marries him and doesn't realize until way down the line? I mean, he showed up at his ex's job and tried to get me to call him behind her back and talked about my ass. I think that is cheating. He claimed at the time he was going to tell her he stopped by. That he talked to me and all. That he only lied to me, he is completely hoenst with her, he only lied to me bc I was so mean. Yet he deleted all the comments on fb so she didn't know anything. I feel like shit. My boyfriend said I should msg her personally to give her a heads up if nothing else and she can do what she wants with the info. It just bugs the hell out of me thinking of all the bullshit he is feeding to her. Obviously making me out to be a devil and doing the same sympathy bs like he was a poor, mistreated bf. It's basically like I have been thrown back into the exact same bullshit from almost 2 years ago. But it is happening to this poor girl too. He makes you feel like shit and makes you so angry. And some of you, because you don't know him, will say he does it to push buttons or is abusive or something. But he truthfully is just stupid as hell. He does things but doesn't cover them well enough and gets caught. Then lies and lies even when it makes no sense. I didn't catch him in lies until about 4 months in. He and the fiancee have only been dating for about 6. I will probably be told to leave it alone. Which I do plan to. It just infuriates me that he plays off a happy relationship and how perfect everything is when he hits on me behind her back. And then calls me demonic and a life ruiner. And he is so stupid I think he may honestly believe I am. I'm losing sleep over it. Even though I know the truth it bugs the hell out of me that she never will. That he can honestly keep doing this stupid sympathy game. Lying his ass off that I am so terrible when HE is the one lying and treating everyone like shit. That I can be made out to be evil when I was trying to be nice when he visited me. Getting caught in something and lying his ass off to get out. And then you realize that he not only lied about the initial thing, but 800 things afterwards too. And he is getting away with it here. She doesn't know to check on him. She doesn't have any idea what's going on. She has a fake image of perfection and he is a poor misunderstood crappily treated person who the world doesn't care for. I never quite fell for all that he tried to pull, hence why I was called mean. I hate that I'm being portrayed as an evil bitch while he gets sympathy and lies off his ass. To be honest, I can;t stand the thought of him saying horrible shit about me while he is a sweet angel after all he put me through and all he is STILL doing. I know I repeated myself a lot, I am just angry. I don't know what to do. Any advice appreciated.
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at work, blow-job, broke up, facebook, fiance, his ex, liar, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): I read everything that you wrote and it sounds like to me that you should just move on in life to be happy. You are not alone as most women go through this quite often. I know it hurts emotionally but why put yourself through the misery? If he doesnt want to be with you then just let him go. I do understand that you love him but my suggestion is this..there are two sides of a coin just like there is in real life with two people. I cant take sides of you both as I really cant do that since I dont know the whole situation "he said this, she said that...he did this and she did that.."
A
female
reader, jel  +, writes (8 January 2011):
someone times in life, u just have to let things go. anger eats away at u, like a short madness, is is worth it. lifes to short, i always go with as long as you know the truth then that is all that matters. take positive action let it go it will make you feel a lot better !!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2011): okay in the background info you stated that hes backed you into a corner, first off this shows that he has scared you. why would you want to even associate yourself eith a person like that especially if you have a new boyfriend.
yes he shouldn't be turning up to your work and you can take out an injunction so that he can't come near you. one of the main problems with social netowrks such as facebook is all the problems that its causes. you say it was your sister that found him slating you well why is she even a friend with him on it? get her to block him he won't be able to contact her or see anything she writes vica versa, you should never get facebook if something is bothering you like this and you don't have it, this will teach yourself the lesson to not have it!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2011): Just ignore it. People who know you (especially if they know him) will know who the liar is in the situation. People who don't know you don't care. Tell your sister to de-friend him and ignore him too. Life is short, don't spend it angry at stupid people.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2011): I know it can be hard to let go of things, but overall you're lucky that he is out of your life. I don't think anyone at FB is going to pay much attention to what he writes there, everyone knows it can be used by some to try to spread rumors and lies. The people who know you in real life will know that this isn't true.
I usually believe in not interfering in other people's relationships, but I think in this case you might want to somehow let his new gf know he is a cheater. She may know this already of course, so it's probably best just to stay out of it. I just feel it's caring to warn other people about potential relationship disasters if you can.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (7 January 2011):
 Wow you ably demonstrated to me all the reasons I think Facebook is a pathetic web site. That's all FB is: a commercial web site that helps make money for the originators of the site by making it seem like it is important, when it is not.
And you also ably demonstrated that your ex is a loser of epic proportions. Your ex is abusive and petty. Little by little others will discover his failings. Pity even more any girl who is unable to see through his nasty ways.
Cut all contact with your ex, he is a loser. If he comes into the shop: serve his as if he is a stranger. As far as his current gf, don't interfere. People resent being told such things, and such criticsm is likely to unite them together, in the short term, rather than draw them apart. So avoid that tactic.
Move on forward in your life as if he never existed. Though also congratulate you, on the fact that you recognised he was abusive, AND you left the abusive relationship before he destroyed your life completely.
Finally congratulate you on being one of the thinking people who recognises that facebook is a complete waste of time And is nothing more than a commercial web site used by people to post comments and ramblings to the world, on things that would be better left unsaid and for the same people to try to claim they have far more 'friends' than they really do have, in real life.
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A
female
reader, lacrymosa_652 +, writes (7 January 2011):
 Ahh, honey if I were in your position, I would be mad as hell too. But remember, he's your ex, and you don't have to put up with him anymore. You don't have to see his crap on Facebook because he's not on your sister's list anymore.
This guy seems like a right loser - too lazy to get a job, too pathetic to stop treating people like crap, too stupid to realize his own mistakes. Plus he's a liar and practically a cheat. Don't fume at all the shit he's put you through, whoop for joy because he's out of your life and you KNOW that you were the better one from your relationship, and that he lost way more than you ever did.
I guess your main anger is from the fact that his current girlfriend may never know what a prick he is. I had similar worries about my ex, because he comes across as almost perfect but has some flaws and I was angry and annoyed that he may get away with everything with every girl. But my friend said to me that if he stays as shit as he is, every girl will find out eventually. And my ex isn't even one-tenth of the asshole that your ex seems to be! Don't worry, because as you came to realize the truth, it's likely that his current girlfriend also will, because a person can only conceal their true nature for so long. However... I kind of agree with your boyfriend's idea, and it may be a good idea to contact the girl and sort of give her a heads-up. Tell her that you really don't want to intrude in her personal life, but you really felt you wanted her to know what her boyfriend has been doing because if it were you, you'd want to know. Make sure you let her know that it's up to her what she wants to do, but you just thought you'd tell her. Hopefully she'll understand that you're doing it in her best interests.
If you choose to message her, do so, and once you've done that, try to put your ex out of your mind. Whatever he does is what he does, and all the bullshit he pulls is just going to come back around and bite him where the sun doesn't shine. He'll probably stop talking rubbish about you on Facebook when he realizes he can't get a reaction from you or your sister. He's pathetic, and you're not, and I wish you the best in moving on with your life, and congrats on having a successful relationship with your current boyfriend - be glad you have him and you're not still with your loser of an ex :)
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