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My ex split because he fancied my best friend. Now I have a new bf, but I hear he says nasty things behind my back!

Tagged as: Teenage, The ex-factor, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 July 2005) 2 Answers - (Newest, 2 July 2005)
A United Kingdom, anonymous writes:

Hi, I'm 16 yrs

About two years ago, I went out with a boy. He was really nice, but he split up with me when he fancied my best friend. I really liked him even when we weren't going. I think I loved him, but every day he flirted with her in front of my face. She said she wouldn't go out with him, she said she didn't even like him but still she flirted back.

After about a year of this, I finally got over him. I have a new boyfriend now and when we were first going out he was nice he was always there for me, and his friends were really nice and I felt close to him.

But just lately my ex has been coming back into my life because my best friend has started to fancy him. The problem is, so am I.

I stuck with my boyfriend though and I have now been with him for about 4-5 months. Just lately he hasn't been round a lot. He use to come out every day, but just lately he won't even come up to me. I have to be the one who comes up to him all the time, and sometimes he walks off with his friends and spends about two minutes with me.

His friends have also been telling me that he says nasty things about me behind my back, like I smell. I didnt believe them at first but they have all been saying it. He still holds my hand and we still kiss when we spend time together, but the time we do spend together is be coming less and less.

What should I do? I don't want to leave him. We use to have a really nice time. And what should I do about my ex? I still love him but I can't do anything; my best friend likes him and I have a boyfriend. Please help.

View related questions: best friend, flirt, my ex, split up

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A female reader, hopeless +, writes (2 July 2005):

Honestly if he talks behind your back drop him, he ain't worth the pain.A nd as for the ex, can you really trust him? If he flirted before he will probably do it again.

You should find someone who is going to care about you and not just for two minutes, but also at the same time you're sixteen. Have fun; don't lose those teenage years. Once they're gone, they're gone. Have fun dating. Keep an open mind until the right guy comes along.

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A reader, pops +, writes (2 July 2005):

You are too young to be obsessing over the behavior or a boy you had a crush on with you were 14 years old. If he says anything bad about you- this usually in the form of accusations as to your sexual activities together, just tell the people who forward this kind of information, " In his dreams ! " Then, deny whatever they claim he said, and forget him. Whatever happens between two people is for them to know, unless you just have to tell all to friends. Then, and only then, you deminish your own reputation. You will have many more boyfriends in the future. Some you will like for some reasons, but not others; some you will think you like but learn that you really don't like them. Move On. At your age, you are still learning about yourself, and about other people. Don't get serious with anyone to the point of not dating other people. Yes, you may know the man of your dreams, but he also has a lot of growing to do before he can fulfill your dreams. Slow down, don't get too serious about anyone, learn to love, and learn to fight and make up. Its all required skills for any relationship. Learn about who you are, and want to be, and then spend these early years working on yourself. pops

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