A
male
age
30-35,
*rikTk421
writes:The relationship with my ex-girlfriend is a long and complicated one so I’ll try to explain it as clearly and concise as possible. (The names used are not the real names of people involved) We first started dating during our sophomore year of high school. She had been in a few other relationships before but nothing serious, i on the other hand had not. She is my first and only everything. My first and only prom date, kiss, serious relationship, love. We dated for a year and she became everything to me. Unfortunately i could tell that something was bothering her and she didn't care about me as much as i did her. I tried everything to make it work but i knew that something was seriously bothering her when sex came up. At first we agreed that on our 6 month anniversary we would have our first time together, then the day came and we didn’t. This wasn’t a big deal to me as I never really pressured her for sex anyways, but then this became a pattern and the situation repeated its self on 9 month anniversaries, birthdays, valentine days. Again it’s not like I ever pressured her but eventually I started feeling like she didn’t think I was good enough for her. After feeling this way for a while it began hurting to be with her because I felt like she didn’t feel the same as I did about her and after a little more than a year I broke things off with her because of this.After breaking up both of us were really hurt. Shortly after though I heard about her getting involved in other relationships. She asked one of my best friends to be a fuck buddy, but he declined out of respect for me. She also tried to hook up with a 20-something year old named Jordan, and another one of my friends named Jimmy. Finding out about all this really hurt but I still loved her and after a while I tried to make the relationship work again. Unfortunately all of her friends and family hated me and they kept us from being able to work things out.For the longest time after this she was single but avoided me. I still loved her though. 3 years after we first started dating I got back in contact with her. Upon doing this I found out that shes currently dating another one of my friends. Despite still dating him, she and I are constantly texting and talking on the phone. She knows how I feel and we’ve talked about the past. She said the reason she kept pushing dates back for our first time is because she didn’t feel ready and she felt intimidated by my intelligence (I have a near genius IQ.) I have told her that i wish she would have just told me this to begin with as i would have been able to understand her just not being ready and we could have worked past the intimidation thing (as of now she's no longer bothered by it.) She understands how she made me feel though and no longer blames me for leaving her.While she's still dating my friend, she has hinted at the possibility of getting back together if things don’t work out with her current boyfriend. She’s still the person I imagine being with when I think about getting married and having kids; I still love her as much as I did. But despite this I can’t help but think how much it would hurt if she gave her virginity to my friend. I know that its not fair seeing as we’re not together but I've always imagined we would be each other’s first. Just the thought of her giving herself to someone else makes me sick to my stomach, the idea of someone being that close to her when I still feel like I wasn't good enough for her. Honestly if she gave herself away I don’t know if I would be able to take her back. I would just really like to hear your opinions on the relationship. I’m at a loss. I feel selfish for feeling like I wouldn't be able to be with her if she did give herself away but I just don’t know if I would ever be able to get over it. Every time I’m with her I would just think of how he touched her and how I wasn't good enough for her at the time. For me the idea of sex is so much more than the physical aspect of it, to me its such an emotionally powerful experience. Am I completely in the wrong for thinking like this? I just need to hear some other opinions on the relationship please.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2013): You want advice on a relationship when your not in one.
Its over yet you seem to know her every move,every time she has sex and with who.That is not healthy mate.Its creepy
She WAS your first love which is usually intense.YOU ended it a long time ago.
She is playing head games and teasing you cos you are still letting her,there is no future,no wedding ,no kids with her.
Start 2013 by deleting her number and stopping all contact with her.You seriously need to move on without this girl in your life.
This time next year you could be in love with another girl so make room for her
A
female
reader, Warm-Inspire  +, writes (31 December 2012):
 Thats the first time i've heard of someone not wanting to lose their virginity to someone because of intelligence.
Were you planning to yell math equations at her during intercourse? Was that the intimidating part?
In all seriousness, you're blinded by love, red flags are being waved inches from your face.
First of all, she is stringing you along, if you were of any importance to this girl she wouldn't have you on a waiting list, you would be the current boyfriend.
Second of all, if she had any respect for you whatsoever she wouldn't be working her way through your mates, or at least trying to.
She wants your attention, and maybe to use you as the fall back guy if it doesn't work out with your friend, the sooner you realise this and move on, the better.
Lastly i want to put 2 of your sentences together.
"She asked one of my best friends to be a fuck buddy, but he declined out of respect for me." and "She said the reason she kept pushing dates back for our first time is because she didn’t feel ready"
Don't want to make an presumption but either she was trying to jealous you or shes not as unadulterated as you thought.
Find someone who will give you the love and respect you are longing for, shes just going to keep you hanging around for her convinience as long as you allow her too.
Good luck
x
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (31 December 2012):
 You have created a situation where she can't really go back to you. You broke things off with her first, so that should have been the end of it. She is dating your friends, going to have sex with them. If you got back together you will be obsessed about what they did. Her family and friends don't like you. Going back to her just for the sake that she is your first everything, is a shitty deal. Through your verbal exchanges she noticed that you still had feelings for her. She wanted to mess with your mind, and then still tell you that she doesn't like you anymore. It's called having the last laugh.
This is where you have to relinquish that possessive feeling towards her. She does not belong to you anymore. You should not care about what she does. Do not try to find out who she is with. Being intimidated by you is just some excuse. A way to let you down but at the same time giving you a compliment. She is just not ready to settle down.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (31 December 2012):
 Hi
You need to MAN UP and MOVE ON.
How dare she treat you like this, your a human with a heart and feelings and she is taking full advantage of you and your love for her.Makes me so angry!
Trust me, we are all a fool for somebody and they really are not worth it in the end.
Remove yourself from her circle,find new interests, plan a lads holiday,just keep looking forward and most of all DO NOT communicate with this girl.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (31 December 2012):
 I understand that you really love this girl - but you have a bigger problem then her giving her virginity to someone else. Her leading you to believe that IF things don't work out with her current boyfriend, MAYBE you and her can get back together, is very manipulative.
She doesn't want you enough to not be with someone else, but she needs you to be there as a back-up, IN CASE her current relationship doesn't work out.
I know this is not easy for you to hear - but you are already aware of the fact the she meant more to you, then you did to her, when you were dating - and that hasn't changed. Even if her relationship falls apart, and she does come back to you - it would only be until something "better" came along.
If you were the one she really wanted to be with, she would be. Don't allow her to keep you on a string, like this. Go out and date other girls - there is someone out there who will cherish you as much as you do them, and you deserve to be in that kind if a relationship.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (31 December 2012):
 Think about it: She's telling you that you can be her "fallback" or "second-string" B/F... available in the event that she can't keep something/whatever going.....
Not much of a boastable position to be in, is it?
I suggest you wait until she is done with her "mean girl" games.... and wishes to have a real B/F.... THEN she can see if you will CONDESCEND to that status with her...
Good luck....
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