A
male
age
51-59,
*askins
writes:I had been seeing my girlfriend for about 9 months and although full sexual intercourse is not so often she prefers to perform oral sex on me. The first time she did it I thought wow very experienced and a bit much as we had not really been intimate in anyway. As time went on she would always ask to perform this act around the house anywhere I thought it was fun but then during love making she would whisper do you want me to go down on you and she had always climaxed by this time our love making would usually last about 2 hours… then I would be marched to the bathroom to clean up her oral sex would last around 1 hour maybe longer and she seemed obsessed by her actions moaning sounds and all.. and like me watching her I always felt like she enjoyed the fact that I was out of control of myself and I know she has issues with her father over controlling problems with her mother I at times felt like the oral sex was motivated by something other than intimacy.once I asked her let’s make love and she said no I want to go down on you I told her I was tired but she said I want to go down on you and refused me to make love to her until I gave in.. I even said I was sore and she said don’t worry ill work around it…we are now split up and it is now affecting my new relationship as although my new partner is gentle my previous partner was not rough she was like a professional oral stimulator so it took out any intimacy from the act can you help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2009): Well, give yourself some time.
If the new woman is not a professional sex will be different any way... even oral sex.
You almost sound like you were victimised. Had the genders been opposite, I'd said this was abusive... I know they say men are different.
But really, I would take it slow with the new lady. And not get into oral sex or anything that becomes a power play... till such a time that you can find sex fun again.
Talk to you partner about your discomfort or let her be aware of it. And keep her updated as you feel better.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2009): Why is it affecting your new relationship? The oral sex isn't as good as before? Interesting, because in my last relationship which just ended bad, my boyfriend did not want me to give oral sex. He said he has been turned off by it because many, many years ago (almost 20), he was taking classes at a community college and a nursing student took him in a medical room and performed amazing oral sex on him. Because of that incident, he has felt no one could ever top it (or maybe he just wants to remember that time). Really strange, if you ask me. Never heard of a guy who didn't want oral sex at all (he even said it has made him go completely limp if anyone tried it--so I never did). Really weird...but then he was really weird in many ways...now that I think back about things. Just enjoy your new relationship--be open with her about what turns you on. That's one of the things that led to the downfall of my relationship with him. He wouldn't open up to me or tell me how he felt. That is always a mistake. Best of luck to you!!
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