A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I'm confused.... I'm not sure whether to listen to my head or my heart. I am 29 years old and met my first love when I was 16. We went out for 3 yrs until I was 19. They we broke up and got back together when I was 22, we went on to buy a house together and have successful jobs - all seemed blissful. At age 25/26 I started to feel like my life was going down a steady secure but not wholey exciting path. We broke up but still lived in the same house. I met a few guys which felt really exciting and eventaully started dating a guy and fell head over heels about him. Myself and my first love eventaully sold the house and went our seperate ways.The second romance ended when I started feeling insecure around him, that he didn't always want to be in my compnay, I've never doubted he would be unfaithful just found he was bored of me at times.All the time my first love and I kept in contact and I really value his friendship. Recently we broke all communication ties because I feel he wants more than I can give. I am now seeing my second romance again. My heart skips a beat when I see my second romance but my head compares him to my first and in terms of security he doesn't met the same standard as my first. Now I'm thinking of my first all the time.What should I do?? I feel like I'm going from pillar to post, happy then sad and not willing to compromise, I'd love a mixture of both!
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broke up, got back together, insecure Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2007): You and your first love have broken up before, take advise from "it's called a breakup because it's broken" and see that there was a reason you broke up. It was enough that you both said, "I'm done here" which means for good. If you got back together, it should be because the reason you broke up doesn't exist anymore, but make sure that it hasn't existed for a longtime. You may only be seeing the good in ex #1 because you're having problems with #2. Do a list of good and bad in both and see if either is for you. I had a relationship for 7 years of on again/off again and realized he wasn't changing his ways, I was just going back to what was comfortable. Step back and try to look at it from new angles and maybe check out 'He's just not that into you' (for #2's issues with being around you) and the first book mentioned for ex #1. I wish you all the womanly luck possible :)
A
female
reader, Megan Deetes +, writes (6 December 2007):
 Well it'll only get you back if you do have both of them. If you get back together with your first then i guarentee you'll be bored again, but then with the second you can't really develop security if its not there. The second option doesn't sound promising, however the first could work. That problem with this though is that you know that the relationship didn't work the first time and will keep returning to that state and comapring him to the second.
I think your best option would be to go out and find a whole new guy who could be both the good parts of your other two.
If you need further help message me :) xxxxxxx
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