A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently wrote in and asked 'how do you mend a broken heart?'My ex of 2 years and i split up 10months ago. We were in a LDR between Uk and USA. He tried to get me back for ages, saying how much he had messed up and missed me and i generally thought 'ive heard all of this before'. Anyway, around christmas time i couldnt stop thinking about him and got in contact. He turned around and told me he's moved on and is expecting a baby as shes 5 weeks pregnant.This broke my heart.I've tried to move on, block it out and forget about him. Ive just landed a new job and really want to be happy. But it hurts so much. At first it was the official feeling of 'im never going to see him again' and then it hit 'Now theres a baby involved, we are never going to be able to rekindle anything' Now the comments i got from my previous question helped and i felt good again, but this weekend his friend called for a chat, me and her got on really well whilst i was over there for 6 months. She got talking and my ex came into conversation, she told me that she doesnt like his girlfriend because she treats him like shit and he just puts up with it because they're having a baby, but then she went on to say that when they hang out together (without the gf) he constantly talks about how he misses me, loves me and wishes he wasnt having this baby because he feels he doesnt even love her.WHAT do i do with that? I know shes telling me the truth because shes the most down to earth girl ever. I miss him more than anything, and would sacrifice anything to see him again, but i don't want to be a home wrecker, shes expecting his baby and I know what it feels like to be the girlfriend and the ex gets in contact. PLEASE HELP ME!
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 March 2011):
 I think you need to try and look at this guy objectively. You said he "messed up" when you two split up, right? Did he cheat on you? Was that his "messing up" part?Either way, if he and his child live in the UK, won't his coming to the US to see you cause his child to not have a dad? I can understand his not loving the mom, but his child is his child. You should never ever be of a mindset to give everything you are to see someone again. Also, the way his girlfriend treats him has nothing to do with you, and you can't rescue him from her. This is a toxic situation. He has made his choices, and now there are permanent consequences to those choices. Pay very close attention to his behavior towards his child. This is a good indicator of how he'll treat those closest to him. Don't think that you're any different. He's already left you once and all the remorse in the world won't ever erase that.This new girlfriend will be part of his life for good now, because she his his child's mother. This is baggage that is daunting to say the least.You might do well to move on completely, find someone who is NOT long distance, and allow yourself to love again. Leave him to his choices, and don't make any that you yourself will live to regret.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 March 2011):
 There is nothing really you can do here. He needs to be the one to make a choice. His friend probably didnt mean any harm by telling you this but she shouldnt have done that because at the end of the day, he is having a baby with this girl and nothing is going to change that fact. Even if he does love you, it is her he is with. He is having a baby with her and I guess he owes it to himself to see how things work out.
You need to let him go, however hard it is you do not want to be labeled a home wrecker and you dont want his child to grow up hating you because you stole there daddy from them. I think you need to accept that he is no longer yours and move forward with your life. Goodluck.
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