A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was seeing a girl for about 2 years and we had just about started getting serious about each other and were planning to take it to the next level. However, she cheated on me while on a business trip, something I learnt about in a rather painful way. But I was still willing to let it pass and give it a chance and said so. But them two got serious about each other and he was a married man. She has since relocated to his state and I believe he has filed for divorce.I guess I mean a lot to her and so does she to me. I still love her a lot and go through a lot of pain everyday thinking about them together. I told her clearly that being in touch with her was making it extremely difficult for me and despite my love for her, I have been pretty verbally vocal about how she has left me devastated, angry, hurt and how I am trying to rebuild my life. She keeps telling me she needs me in her life and is fine with it even if I am full of hatred for her. She keeps calling me, texting me, emailing me all of which I try to either ignore or be matter of fact while responding. And deep down, I still love her as much, maybe even more. Her not being there makes me realize what she meant to me everyday.I really do not know what she wants off me or why she keeps wanting to check on me and how i am doing (i have had a few other problems crop up around the same time). She has been like this for almost 2-3 months, so i am not sure it will pass away. I am really not sure what to do.
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cheated on me, divorce, married man, move on, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2010): Oh my man...it's amazing how "feelings" can let us let someone take a major dump on our heads and we still keep them on that all important pedestal. But, it's better you found out now the true nature of this woman than later on or, worse, after marriage. This woman is using you to make herself feel better about what she did to you by trying to maintain the connection. She's also using you to keep her ego inflated (Mr. Married Man may not be doing all he can...what with being married and all). Ask yourself this: even if you got back together with her, would you trust her? Can you imagine the pain you would be going through once the glint was off the gingerbread of renewing a relationship. You'd be wondering all the time. And, she's already shown you how little she respects you by treating you the way she has. Run the other way...fast! Tell her in no uncertain terms not to contact you. Change your number, get her off fb etc. Cut all ties with this evil woman. She will mess you up if you keep her around.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): You're never going to be able to move on if you don't cut contact. Delete her number, email, everything. Block her from social networking sites. You have to go cold turkey i'm afraid.
She is probably keeping in contact as a control thing. Some ex's keep in touch as "friends" to keep an eye on you and who you're dating, if you are still moping after them etc...
You need to move on and the only way is ZERO contact. Now i'm not saying you can never speak to her again but for now it's best not to because the pain is obviously still there and being in contact is just going to make it 100 times worse.
In all honesty, why are you keeping in contact with her? She cheated on you with a married man and broke your heart and she has the nerve to still contact you while she's living with this other guy. I'd think real hard about whether she deserves your friendship at all.
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