A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex boyfriend is married and very unhappy. He tells me his problem however, I tell him he needs to take it up with his wife. I mentioned to him if he strongly feels that way, sit her down and talk to her. Please keep me out of this. I am here for you however, tell her how you feel. He tells me he loves me which my response is, thank you. I told him I don't feel the same way. He wants to get back together but I don't want to. I keep telling him its always possible. I feel bad for ignoring his calls but it's starting to come down to it. How do I go about this situation with out feeling bad about it?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): The other aunts are right: you don't have any reason in the world to feel bad about this. Fact is, you used to date him at one time, but now he's married. You are right to tell him to take it up with his wife.And that is how you are "there" for him, by telling him to talk to her.But you're wrong to say getting back together is always possible. Its not. You need to let him know that very firmly and definitely. Oh yes, and tell him not to contact you again - he's married; you've moved on and whatever you and he once had, is now over and done with.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): Don't feel bad about it, just get him out of your life. He has a wife who he should be confiding in, not you. Please just stop listening to him and he will soon get bored with the idea. If he phones, then say you are not interested and politely tell him you are putting the phone down. Or change your phone number. Don't give him the time and space and he won't continue.
Take care
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): You shouldn't feel bad about being honest and forthright. This way he doesn't have false hope and you don't have to feel obligated to be "nice".
I'd rather have someone be honest and give it straight then find out down the road they were being "nice", ya know?
Tell him, listen, I don't love you and won't in the way a woman should love a man romantically.
To say it's possible is cruel and does instill in him hope and it may come across as games.
Tell him the truth and then tell him you would like time away as you don't feel comfortable being a "temptation" or a "reason" for him to leave his wife; he needs to do that free of you.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (5 March 2007):
 You are right to tell him he needs to talk with his wife about it but you are also giving him hope here. He wants to get back together with you and what do you say...? "It's always possible!" Come on.... don't string the guy along! The best thing to do is to keep a very low profile from him for a while. Let him know you don't want him calling/texting/emailing you any more (change your cell number if need be.)
If he's unhappy with his wife then he needs to approach HER and talk to her about it WITHOUT mentioning your name! Another reason to let him know it's over and you do not want to get involved with him again, not now or ever again... not IT'S ALWAYS POSSIBLE!!! That way you're keeping yourself right.
Once he knows the score with you then it's up to him to talk with his wife and try and sort out their problems without giving you all his problems. At least if he knows once and for all that there is no hope of ever getting back with you he'll be able to sort his marriage out.
Eve
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