A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Not sure if I want to continue reuniting with my ex-bf.We had been together for 12 years, living together for 6 of those, then he left me in a most cowardly sort of way. Then, after about two-and-a-half years of on-and-off luke-warm contact, he gets a hold of me after a long "no-contact" spell that I initiated. So, since about August of this year, he's all Mr. Lovey-Dovey towards me again. Constantly hinting about getting back together again, doing all the 'wooing and chasing' stuff that exe's will do when they want you back. ~BUT~ he still keeps an online dating profile active - and strangely, even MORE SO since we've been somewhat 'together'. Meaning he visits it everyday now, vs. almost NEVER while we were apart (Note: YES! I snooped. YES! You can check when a user last visited this particular site.) He doesn't lie that he still has this profile active, but it is utterly confusing to me that he is on there EVERY SINGLE DAY since trying to reunite with me, but was barely there when we were NOT?! What's creepier still: He is essentially looking for a 'copy' of me in his profile!! He did change it from "Looking for a long-term" to "Just dating, nothing serious" since we have been ?reuniting? WTF?! This man gets odder every year that I know him. I need objective insight!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionALL OF YOU ARE RIGHT!!!! I will take ALL this advice and move on....
THANK YOU - for all of your very insightful and intelligent answers!! God bless all of you for helping me trust my own instincts. This man always has a way of making feel like I am being 'mean' to him, but really I am just trying to protect myself. Luckily, I haven't gotten so far into this - I can easily recover from this backslide into pure foolishness. This website is such a GOLDMINE!!
A
male
reader, Byron Temple  +, writes (22 November 2012):
It sounds like anyone is better than no one as far as he is concerned.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (22 November 2012):
 He's keeping his options open in case either you or the woman he's looking for doesn't work out. That means he isn't serious abuot either.
The lovey-dovey wooing is also a red flag. If he isn't by nature a very giving and doting person (I mean with someone he isn't trying to impress) then all this wooing is an effort for him, which means he can't keep it up forever. Once he's certain he 'has' you, he will revert right back to whatever his natural state is.
I don't think even giving this guy the time of day will add anything positive to your life. In fact it's already having a negative effect. You don't trust him (nor should you), and you're here asking strangers for help. You're not even a couple and you're already troubled.
Reinstate the no contact policy and be done with him.
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A
female
reader, delightful84  +, writes (22 November 2012):
To get someone back in your life you would want to prove yourself to be worthy. He is showing you every reason there is "not" to go back to him.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (22 November 2012):
 If I wanted to get back with an ex, then the last thing I would be doing is putting myself on a dating site.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2012): I totally agree with Honeypie. He isn't committed to you, he's just keeping you around in case/until someone "better" comes along. Please don't give him the satisfaction of dumping you for someone else, or stringing you along while he enjoys meeting women with no strings attached. And please don't put yourself through that. Want better for yourself.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 November 2012):
 Sorry any guy (or girl) with an ACTIVE dating profile that he updates and checks on EVERY day.... IS STILL LOOKING for "Miss Right" - or with the change in status "Miss Casual".
He is keeping his options open - which means his main goal is not to win you back because you are his "one true love", but more because he thinks he wants you back. The familiarity of you, is what he is after. ( that would be my guess).
But guess what instead of getting started back up with you he is wooing you and who knows what other girls too, JUST in case YOU don't work out, or Miss Casual doesn't work out either.
I'm sorry if the two of you couldn't make it work back then, why do you think you two would now? Has he improved over all? (doesn't seem that way if he is actively looking for someone) Have whatever broke you up been resolved?
And do you REALLY want him back or are you just enjoying the attention? Be honest.
As I see it.. he is HOLDING you back from moving forward on your own, whilst HE is searching for a "date"... Does that sound fair?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2012): He is your ex and would be better staying that way. Why would you want someone who's on a dating site? Does that not show you how desperate he really is?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2012): Three possible scenarios come to mind:
1) He has a separate profile that he used while you were apart.
2) He wasn't going online while he was shacking up with the chick who has since dumped him, sending him crawling back to you in search of regular sex and/or free room and board.
3) He's going online to try and win back the chick with whom he was shacking up before she dumped him (or he dumped her for yet another chick who subsequently dumped him), and to whom he's now trying to crawl back in search of regular sex and/or free room and board.
Whatever his motives, he's a coward (your words), probably a liar, and very likely a cheater who thinks all he has to do to weasel his way back in to your affections and bed is stroke your ego and fluff your vanity.
I'm sorry, but you were an absolute fool for considering to take him back even before you knew about his online activities. Why you are fishing for a plausible explanation that would somehow excuse or rationalize his actions that directly contradict his words is unfathomable to me. He's a cowardly scumbag who tells you exactly what you want to hear when it's convenient for him to string you along for his sole benefit and pleasure. Don't believe what he SAYS, believe what he DOES. What more do you need to know?
Show some self-respect, dignity and pride and for once take a stand by refusing to let this loser walk all over you again. You wasted twelve years of your life "dating" him, six of those shacking up, time to cut your losses and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2012): Objective... I think your being far to subjective, as in your feeling for him are clouding what you need to do..
And you know what that is... Kick his ass all the way to china..
Then
Run for the hills and never look back..
Find yourself someone who will love just you, he's using you and you know it..
The Internet has a lot to answer for ..
Take care and set your sight higher..
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