A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Well here it goes, recently I got back with an Ex girlfriend who I had dated a few years ago, and I can genuinely say that I loved her then, and that things appeared to be going well second time round.Then it all went downhill.One weekend and I said I don't think it's going to work out as she just didn't seem into me, and I find this hard to admit as a guy, but I do need to be shown affection.So we mutually agreed that it wasn't right for now she using the famous 'your the right guy wrong time' line.I accepted that and had every intention of remaining friends and seeing if anything develops in the future between us whilst getting in with my own life,A week later she has told me she is pregnant, and that she wants to keep it!! I probably could have been better at receiving this information, was shocked and dumbfounded, we were careful when having sex, but life has a plan and I guess this is mineI immediately told her I am there for her and will be every step of the way. She replied 'I know I'm being selfish and you are going to be heavily involved in everything but right now I don't want the pressure of a relationship. I like you, and you're such a nice guy and I'm attracted to you but don't want to be with you'I'm left lost!! I can't find any situation like this anywhere, everything appears to be about the guy not manning up and wanting to be the one to get out of the relationship.I appreciate that she is going through a lot and I can't even begin to imagine what she's going through! And I know as a person in relationships I am very two feet in and this can be overwhelming at the best of times, but I just don't know what to do, I'm keeping my distance and we are talking, but it's only when it concerns the baby, I did say to her that I think we should see each other socially as well to try and re-kindle but I'm not going to push for this for fear of driving her away,I guess I want to know has anyone gone through this themselves?Women's opinions in general?And if anyone thinks she has already made up her mind that she wants to raise out child without me as get partner?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 February 2014):
 I agree with Auntie BimBim
First I would make 100% sure there is a baby. How long ago did you two break up and when did she announce she was pregnant?
If she IS pregnant - I would ask for a DNA test after birth. She might be offended but if the child isn't yours you can STILL end up paying for 18 years. So DO the DNA test don't just trust her word.
Just keep talking and I would let her know if you need to be there for appointments you will (and then BE there if she needs you).
The thing is, MANY women thinks that it's THEIR baby - they kind of forget that a guy GAVE half the DNA to create the child, so you DO have rights. Even if she WANTS to raise the child alone you STILL GET to choose to be involved. So again IF there is a child MAKE sure you set up LEGAL visitation AFTER the DNA test comes back that it is YOURS.
Be a DAD. Even if you are not with her you can STILL be a dad to the child.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (13 February 2014):
 I am sometimes more cynical than I like to be. There might not be a baby, there might be a baby but it might not be yours, or there might be a baby and it is yours.
In my opinion there is absolutely no sense in trying to rekindle, as you so nicely put it, because odds are it wont last all that long anyway.
The reasons for breaking up will still exist.
If there IS a baby insist on DNA tests, and be prepared for a rest of your life commitment. Parents can successfully live separately and still be successful parents. Be prepared to get your family on-board as you will also need a lot of support, especially for the first few years.
But don't go jumping the gun just yet, I suspect things will work out okay.
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