A
female
age
30-35,
*oGreen126
writes:Hi!My ex is also my best friend. We only dated for 4.5 months, we've been broken up for 4 months. He continues to be my best friend. I love this guy (as best as my teenage brain can comprehend that, hahaha) in a romantic way, yes, as far as I know. But FAR more importantly is how I feel about him as a friend. He knows me better than anyone else in the world, and I him. If I am upset, I go to him. If I need a hug, I go to him.I can't sleep at night--I've had issues with (mild) insomnia for as long as I cam remember. If I try to pretend he's there with me though, I feel safe. I feel warm. This is when it's easiest to sleep.I feel like I will lose him as a friend if I can't let go of the idea of dating him. I don't want that, and high school is a place where being friendless is hard to bear. The thoughts of him that allow me to sleep, I feel, are hindering my getting over him, even though they don't enforce any idea of us getting back together, really. They're just what it was like before we dated.What can I do to sleep?(We're 15. I know that no one takes questions about love from girls my age seriously, but I need all the help I can get. Also, usually whenever I ask questions similar to this, I'm asked if we had sex--no, we didn't. We didn't go any further than kissing. Often, the answers I get also include cutting this guy out of my life... That's not really an option for me. I value my sanity much too much)Thank you SO much in advance for all help!-GG
View related questions:
best friend, kissing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (1 October 2009):
 Odd that you're asked if you have had sex. I don't see how that would make a difference here. :S
You have a couple of options. The first is to continue what you're doing. But that isn't working for you as you know, or you won't be here.
Secondly, and the best option for everyone in your shoes, is to give yourself some space from him.
Because you are unable to remove him from your life, you do not give yourself a lot of options for healing, but space doesn’t have to be completely removing him from you life.
You are keeping your feelings for him fresh with the amount of time that you are spending with him and the dependence you have on him for friendship, companionship, and understanding. Your heart can’t easily heal under these conditions. It is in your best interests to try to find new friends.
By investing in yourself in such ways as joining a team or club, or something else that speaks to your interests in a social environment, you allow yourself to meet like-minded people who can help reduce your dependence on your ex-boyfriend.
Space can also take the form of trying to find other ways to help you sleep. Try to find out what is keeping you up? Are there things on your mind?
I enjoy reading a book. It helps take my mind off what is bothering me (gives me mental space from thinking about what is hurting me) and takes me to a new world. I always fall asleep when I am reading in bed and because I am “vacationing” in someone else’s world for a while, when I come back to reality, I often feel better.
Be good to yourself. When you are home alone, listen to your favourite happy or empowering songs. Stay away from the sad ones about lost loves.
Find other ways to make yourself happy and to fulfil you. You do need space from him. It's not what you want to hear, but you can't expect to have your "cake and eat it too".
Good luck.
|
