A
female
age
36-40,
*atie-cola
writes:I have a dilemma and i am hoping someone will be able to help me. Me and my ex bf have been off and on for a while now. Recently we have had huge arguments that have lasted for days. We both have said things we didn't mean. However, he has told me to f off when he is drunk and has called me a retard. I have told him we cant stay in touch, as i cannot have all this in my life as im still 19. He keeps saying he wants to stay in contact as im his dream girl. But i dont understand how he can say this then be so horrible, even when i try to end the argument he carries on.My ex has always been jealous of my friends, as they have a lot more money than him and then tend to spoil me. I have always tried to keep them separate, but he always brings them into the situation and slags them off. I stick up for them, as my ex has only met some of them and that was only once! He is depressed and has threatened to kill himself, and now i dont know what to do or say. I cant deal with all this at 19. I want to be care free and enjoy myself at uni. He is 26 and obviously has a lot more responsibilities, and sometimes he expects me to feel the same. Where do i go now?? What do i do?? Hope someone can help. Thanks x
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (20 July 2008):
 Hi, you should let his parents know that he has threatened to kill himself. If he is depressed and he is truly thinking about hurting himself, then you'll be doing the right thing by their son in letting them know that he has threatened this. If he was just bluffing, well, then he is using emotional blackmail, and this shouldn't be something that you need to put on your plate.
I think that you and your ex have a long and rather troubled history? He seems to have some mental health issues that you are not in any position to cope with and you should not feel that you have to in any way. May I suggest that you have a look at this website and use the resources that are provided there?
http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Depression/Pages/Complications.aspx?url=Pages/What-happens.aspx
Another one is:
http://www.samaritans.org/talk_to_someone.aspx
Honestly, I think the best thing right now is to tell his parents, so that they are aware of his current risk.
Sorry that this is so difficult for you. You're right, you're only 19, and you shouldn't have to carry the burden of dealing with his mental health issues. Reach out for help from these organizations and perhaps I have just one more.
This one is the government definition of abuse. Your ex has at least one of these. Follow the links there too for some added guidance.
http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Domestic-violence/Pages/Definition.aspx?url=Pages/What-is-it.aspx
Are these your past posts?
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/all-we-do-is-argue-but-we-cant.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-he-treat-me-like-this-after.html
I hope that you are taking good care of yourself, and that you realize you are not responsible for his behavior or his mental health. Let his parents know about his threat to self-harm, contact one or more of the organizations I have provided, I wish you all the best.
xxx
Tisha
A
female
reader, Typical'Ox +, writes (20 July 2008):
 Wow he sounds like he cant ive without you. But you dont realy need that at the moment, you want to have fun rather than be stuck in an awful situation like that. Just sit him down and explain to him that you need some time away from him to think. If he cares about you enough he will understand.
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