A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex is convinced we are meant to be and won't leave me alone.I've blocked his numbers on my phone as he was ringing 30 times a day, and he's been blocked on facebook for ages but always keeps asking to be unblocked. He let himself into my flat today when I was asleep. He said as I had blocked his number it was the only way he had of contacting me. I said he should realise that if he is blocked and i didnt answer the door, he is not welcome. Most people would respect that boundary. He was trying to convince me to be with him. He says I'm stuck with him, there's no getting away from him. I don't know what else to do now. We've talked about the problems too many times. I do feel sorry for him and vaguely guilty, maybe that is why I couldn't kick him out, I asked him to leave several times and eventually he left. How can I get more inner strength to deal with this??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2013): Change your locks. Change your phone number. Change up your daily routines so he cant predict where you will be.
Have male friends escort you to your car or to your doorstep.
File a restraining order against him. He is a stalker.
He needs mental health help. Look up phone numbers of therapists and give it to him as your last communication with him.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (2 January 2013):
 change your locks first of all!
continue to block him
if he is blocked by phone and social media how is he asking to be unblocked... makes sure his emails are blocked too.
tell him if he does not stop you will be forced to call the police. GIVE HIM ONE WARNING no more.
He is picking up on your ambivalence.... you need to be stronger.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (2 January 2013):
 Contact the police and if necessary take out a court order.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 January 2013):
 Contact the police, change your locks?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2013): I think you will just have to grit your teeth and start being firm about this because talking to him is not going to solve anything. He is not listening to you. Nor does he want to. Because what you are saying doesnt suit him. He has seen a chink in your armour because you feel guilty and he will exploit that to try and get his way.
How did he get into your flat, does he still have a key? If so, make changing your locks a priority. If he has returned a key, still change the locks as he might have made a copy of the key. Let your immediate neighbours know this guy is not welcome at your home any more and ask them to keep a lookout for him hanging around. It might be embarrassing to have to make neighbours aware. But if he comes back and causes trouble it will be reassuring to know that others are aware of your problem with him and will call the police should they hear any commotion!
If you can, lock down your profile and timeline on FB so that only your friends and family can see it. The less he can see of you on FB the better.
Consult a solicitor about this matter before things go any further. Entering your home without permission carries consequences, so he is lucky you didnt call the police and have him arrested. I would pop into your local police station and mention what has happened and ask them for advice on how to deal with him next time he appears at your home. If they are made aware that you might be at risk they will respond quickly should you ever need them.
And if you are absolutely sure you want nothing to do with this person, avoid him at all costs and should he ever try and entering into conversation with you, ignore him and remove yourself safely from the situation. Sometimes people can develop an unhealthy obsession for an ex and ANY attention from, you, good or bad, just stokes the fire in them. So try and avoid him as far as possible and be safe.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (1 January 2013):
 This man is stalking you, it's time to contact the police and get a restraining order. Get a deadbolt in the meantime. Breaking into your flat while you're sleeping is frightening behavior. Do not feel guilty, this guy has no idea what boundaries are.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (1 January 2013):
 This man should not be letting himself into your flat. Contact your local police station and start proceedings to have a restraining order placed on him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2013): I don't understand. You have blocked him from contacting you, but he still has a key to your home? You haven't changed the locks? Why? Since you mention boundaries, and he clearly overstepped them in a major way, why didn't you phone the police when you woke up to find this stalker in your home?
You can find inner strength by sticking to your boundaries and taking all practical measures to keep him out of your life, and especially out of your home.
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