A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel so helpless and hopeless right now.I am currently separated from my ex for two years now. We've been together 13 years and married for 6 years. We have one 6 year old lil girl. My dilemma is I feel my ex has been verbally abusing me to the point I feel so weak and feel suicidal. I know I have to be strong for my daughter's sake. I have been living in his hometown trying to make things peaceful for my daughter's sake. However, I feel that I have to leave and go to my homestate where I will have family and friends support. I am thinking of just taking her and leaving and starting over.The reason I never did it before was I grew up without a father and didn't want the same fate for my daughter. She adores him and I felt I will have to sacrifice for her happiness. However, it's gotten to the point that I am miserable every single day.The reason our marraige ended was he one day came home and said he wanted out. He dis not love me or respect me anymore. This broke my heart because I was the bread winner for the first 7 years putting him through. He never worked a day. Then he graduated, got a good paying job and decided that he was better than me and I was not a suitable partner for him.I try to be strong everyday but this man has ruined my self esteem and confidence.I checked with a lawyer and he says he can not go after me since no papers have been filed. I guess secretly, I am scared that he will hurt me or find me. I know my daughter will be devasted to lose her father, but I feel if I don't go, eventually she will be closer to him and she will lose me. I never wanted to be the kind of parent who uses my child or hold her from knowing her father. but what if it comes down to MY happiness? By staying here, he has a hold and control over me. He text awful things, calling me horrible names. Why should I continue to play nice when he is the one playing dirty?Please give me some sane helpful advice.I just want to be out of his territory. I feel I've been here for 6 years now and it's killing me. Ty
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Sara456 +, writes (16 June 2010):
I don't think it is the best thing for your daughter to be around a father that verbally abuses her mother. Eventually, she will see this abuse, if she has not already. Six year olds have big ears and are very receptive to their surroundings. Also, what is to say he won't eventually start verbally abusing her? Do you want your daughter to hook up with an abusive man one day? This will continue a cycle if you do not leave. Break the cycle.
One more thing is that I'm sure you want your daughter to grow up to be a self-confident young woman. I'm sure you being miserable is affecting your daughter.
I say get the heck out of dodge.
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