A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:She's 23. We shared 5 years of love, then she left me one week after she met this 17-year-old guy.To this day I'm not completely sure why. My guess is that he just was available for her (they're like neighbours) and I wasn't, because I had been living and working in another city for two months.She used to be a balanced and responsible girl, and she had convinced me she was extremely honest and trustful. But now all she does in her free time is partying. She doesn't even seem to care about her upcoming final exams. I can't believe she changed so much.They've been together for three weeks so I guess they're still in the honeymoon phase. He acts like she's the love of his life (which I'm sure she finds very flattering).We were going to move together this month and then travel the world, but no, she had to go for the high school admirer.--So the thing is: I want to *understand* her! Why did she change so suddenly? What was she feeling or wanting?--Could she really be happy like that? Is it going to last? What is she getting from him that I couldn't provide her?And also... How likely is it that they break up soon?I've pretty much lost any hope of getting back with her, but the confusion is killing me. I can barely sleep because I'm so desperate to understand why this happened.Thanks
View related questions:
neighbour Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's not that I feel entitled to know about her private life. It's just that my need for answers is too strong and doesn't let me think of anything else. Understanding the "why" brings me some closure. I'm not planning on dwelling on this forever.
Thanks for the answers, they do provide some valuable insight. The truth hurts a lot but it still helps.
She would never come crawling back to me. She's changing more and more everyday and sinking more and more into her vicious circles with no sign of regret.
It makes sense that she did it to try something new. I just can't believe how she could have thought that this lifestyle of parties and flirting was worth more than our life of honesty and affection. Partying must be the most fulfilling thing ever.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): All you can do now is let her get on with it. Like people have said, there could be so many reasons for why she went out with this guy, perhaps she liked him? Maybe she wanted to try something new, or be with someone who's not into committing as of course I'm sure he wouldn't at that age, who knows.
I can understand your high confusion and wonder. But it looks like to me she's partying and going a bit 'wild' more so than you remember, BECAUSE of the fact she was in a 5 year relationship. Maybe she got tired of the relationship and wanted to try something new in her life and make a fresh start.
But really, it's unhealthy you wasting your time trying to figure out and over analysing every last part of her life.
You need to make a fresh start yourself and get on with your own life. Sounds like to me you could do with a little 'party' life yourself! You're still young! Enjoy it.
...............................
A
male
reader, TimmD  +, writes (7 December 2010):
 Unfortunately, there is no magic answer here. There are a million reasons why she is doing what she is doing. But the fact is what she is doing is no longer your business. I know you care about her and only want was is best for her, but sometimes things are just out of your control. If she's going to snap out of it, she's going to have to do it herself. That may involve screwing up her life, but again... that is on her.
I know this is easy for us to say, but you need to start moving on. You can't sit around waiting for her to "possibly" change her mind.
...............................
A
female
reader, Jen1689 +, writes (7 December 2010):
 She was probably unsure of you relationship because, well, you had been going out for five years and weren't engaged. Not saying that you needed to propose, but being away from the one you love for two months can be very edgy for some people. As for why she went for a guy six years younger? Who knows. She probably was looking for a guy who she knew the motives of. Seventeen-year olds aren't concerned with getting married or settling down, and she might now want to second-guess it anymore. As for if they're going to break up or not, guaranteed they're not going to last. You said they've been going out for three weeks? Big deal. Most likely she'll dump him because she's gotten what she's wanted from him, and then she'll probably come crawling back to you. It's just how it goes. I would be prepared for that. But if she does come back, I wouldn't take her. Part of being in an adult relationship is acting like an adult, and right now she's not. She was willing to give up everything she had with you to please herself. Let this go. Stop asking questions. It will only drive you mad.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): Not to be harsh but who your ex dates isn't any of your business. You were together for a long time and maybe the relationship got a bit stale or she wanted to be single again. Dating this younger guy is probably just about having something new and exciting after being in a relationship for so long.
She's only 23, hardly old herself and probably wants some freedom. It probably won't last but if it does or doesn't it is no business of yours.
No one can tell you when they will break up or even if they will break up. Just let her be.
...............................
|
