A
male
age
41-50,
*om1979
writes:Hello,my name is Thomas and i am from Germany. I have been in a relationship with an american girl for about 2,5 years.We had a few issues but i always took care of anything she needed, never refused a favour or wish. I really love her!And i tried to work on the issues as much as i could. She lived with me in Germany. Last year in August she left and went back to the US cos she wasnt happy in the relationship and also not happy with the job she had. We didnt break up...it was just a break.We wrote emails, talked almost every day and everything seemed to be good. i thought a break would make us think about everything and make clear where we stand. This year in January she came back to Germany and i was really happy to see her. After a 2 weeks i noticed that she wasnt happy here. She looked for jobs in the but didnt really do much effort to get one over here. She told me that she wasnt sure what she wants to to with her life and was kinda wishy washy about everthing. All that made me feel very insecure about us and that affected our daily life. She also was talking about going back to the States for the summer.Then she said that she wants to go to Greece. I just wanted her to be happy so i let her go and even supported her with all the travel arrangements. She said she would come back if it sucks over there. I told her that i would give up anything to go with her an be with her if she is unhappy here. Everything was really emotional when she left. The next day she wrote me an email from Greece that she is really missing me and that she loves me. i was glad to hear that and expected her back within a few weeks.3 days later she called me and broke up with me saying that she wants to travel around Europe by herself and thats the right thing to do for her right now.I was devastated and so hurt..tried to talk to her but she asked me to leave here alone.About a week later i decided to fly to Greece trying to talk to her, fix things, save the love of my life.I told her that and she was on Crete that time. She agreed to see me.She was travelling by herself that time and very lonely so she tried to get in touch with me and we talked almost every day.2 weeks later i got there and everything was great...we spent the week driving around on Crete, had nice candlelight dinners and were intimate as well....so i thought things woul be great again. After 7 days i had to leave and she said that me coming to Crete for her was a huge case and she needs time to think now.I left her alone for a while and since about 1 weeks she is back in the US but she doesnt wanna get back with me. She said she is missing me and wants to be friends. But i dont feel comfortable beeing her downgraded friend.I miss her terribly and wanna get back with her. All this is killing me. I would compromise my whole life for her.Can u give me any advice?kind regardsThomas
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): Thomas, hard as it is, you have tried very hard to let her know you love her over the last few months.
It sounds as though she does care for you - but not in the way you want.
You really have no choice but to accept that she does not want to be in relationship with her, and you have to wish her well and let her go.
The sad truth is we cannot force someone to love us if they don't choose to. Possibly you and she are just not a good match for the long term and she realizes this.
Turn your attention to other friends, your work, activities you enjoy, and try not to think about her too much. In time the pain will lessen and you will be over her. Just a fond memory. then, perhaps you may meet a woman who loves you back and who will want you in her life......
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2009): if you love her let her go / move on / get over her.
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