A
female
age
51-59,
*oB
writes:My X husband drives our new family crazy. He is complete Drama and I’m afraid it is affecting our 6 year old daughter he and I have together. He is a bully, a really nasty person. Name calling, yelling at the front door then denies it or acts as if it’s not a big deal. He has no problem pointing out that my boyfriend and I are not married having a baby. My boyfriend of a year and a half is a wonderful person and my daughter loves him dearly. We are all so excited about the newest addition of our baby boy. Truth is, he wants to get married but my last marriage was so horrible I just don’t feel that it’s necessary at this time to get married. I have never felt more comfortable in a relationship before. I’m a very strong independent women and he respects that. The x is so blinded by his jealously he cannot control himself. We already went through a horrific custody battle. He has more resources than I not to mention money. I didn’t take a dime from him or his business just wanted out! He threatens us weekly but he does not have a leg to stand on. But he will not stop harassing us. He writes e-mails cc'ing his attorney and they are completely fabricated. I find it useless to respond. He is exhausting us. The x is still with his secretary that he cheated on mw with so why is he still not happy? My new love is fed up and my daughter is suffering. Isn’t there anything I can do to get this awful man to stop?
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female
reader, JoB +, writes (8 September 2009):
JoB is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe share 50/50 custody after a very long court battle. He lied and used his money to win this arrangement. We were married for 5 years. He had always been verbally and mentally abusive. I’ve had a restraining order against him before in 08 it expired last November. I did not choose to renew because I believed that he would behave but I was obviously wrong. It had actually gotten better but it never stopped completely. I never called the cops before because my daughter was so young I was afraid she would be traumatized even more; I only wanted to protect her.
I have to respond (at least read) his e-mails because I now refuse to speak to him any other way. He makes it so I have to respond to his e-mails for pick up and drop off times, soccer practice etc. I cannot take her to a doctor’s appt. with out notifying him per court order but he does not notify me. I feel like anything I do with our daughter he wants to be apart of not because of our daughter but because of me. He brags about his new boat and house he will be purchasing. He makes sexual comments or rude fat comments toward me. It’s so awful I feel like crying right there at the doctors office. I hold it together until I put her to bed then I can’t sleep. I lie awake trying to figure out a way to make it all stop. I mean we are no longer married; he is still with the same tramp that he cheated on us with who use to be our friend and was married with a child herself. What is it that he wants? Why does he insist on torturing me? Doesn’t he understand that by him hurting me hurts our daughter? Can’t he save his anger for when she is not around? …I guess not because we don’t see each other unless she is there. He gets the best of me too often!!!
As for the marriage thing…it’s really hard to explain. My experience with marriage is shattered. Why get married… to get everyone off of my back? To make everyone else happy? It’s my turn to be happy, and I chose to not get married again, maybe my views will change later but for now I am very satisfied in my current relationship. We are having a child, a son. We treat each other with respect and love. He shows my daughter what a real Dad should be like. I thank God for him everyday. I thank God for many things in my life. That’s what gets me through these hard times. I just want to protect my baby girl. She loves her Father no matter what he does to us. I just want the X to be a better man. He cheated and I asked him to leave. Why would I put up with abuse and the cheating? He was never around anyway. He begged to come back, begged and begged! But he still continued to cheat and abuse! Now that the court is involved he puts on a show and claims I’m the crazy one. I tell ya he can snow ball anyone! I fell for it for many years. I am now able to put my life in perspective but what about my girl? Will she end up hating him? Will she look for an abuser like her father to marry?
When we tried counseling he lied then too… he would laugh in my face after the sessions. He was so proud of the show he put on for the mediators and counselors! I would be so frustrated I would just cry. In his e-mails he suggests that we all need counseling? Why would I go through that again?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2009): file harassment charges at the local precinct. keep a tape recorder handy, save any thing on your voicemail, etc. why would you have time to have a child but not get married? i pray you do that would make your life more fulfilled. it makes sense, doesn't it? that if you can carry his seed for nine months, surely his last name wouldn't be too hard to carry as well? file those papers and forget his motives- they are not about you, its about him and his need to control. god bless.
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A
female
reader, MeBeTonya +, writes (6 September 2009):
 I sat here and asked myself a few questions while I was reading your post. How long were you and your ex apart before you met your new love? Its not that it truly matters unless you had left him for no reason. By the sound of it, you had a very good reason to leave, he cheated. As for his nonsensical behavior, it doesnt cost anything to obtain an OP (Order of Protection). The next time he is at your door acting absurd, take your daughter into a room to which she nor yourself can hear him and call the police. Once the police arrive, you may then press harrassment charges against him. At that point having the police report to your local court house and obtain an order of protection. Keep in mind you're going to need some proof that he is doing this. Video camera or as stated, the police catching him themselves. Now, this doesnt necessarily mean he is going to immediately cease, however, if he continues to do so after the OP is placed, he might want to take out stock in orange jump suits.
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