A
male
age
41-50,
*ink2067
writes:Lets see where do I begin....My X and I have had a good relationship. She is 21 and I am 26. Communication was always somewhat of an issue because I always felt like she was timid about expressing concerns to me. We had our fights and disputes but were always willing to hear each others point of view and compromize. About 2 months ago she basically felt like she needed space to herself/time to think. During this time she has began to drink socially when she goes out, nothing to the point of getting drunk. She just states that drinking when she goes out helps her relax and loosen up. The other day she contacts me and states that she does want to be with me and would like to start over fresh and work on the communication thing. As long as I have known her she has always been so kind, considerate, moral, just an all around sweet person. I myself dont care to much for alcohol, while I dont see a problem with the occasional drink, I dont want it to become something that she is dependant on for happiness and to enjoy herself. Am I just being paranoid???
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male
reader, link2067 +, writes (10 July 2008):
link2067 is verified as being by the original poster of the question True the legal age thing could also be the case. The only thing is that she has an issue with low self esteem. She tends to analyze things to much and thus talk herself out of sometimes being herself. She states that the drinking allows her to be more relaxed and not overthink stuff. I just worry about that becoming a trend. Dont get me wrong she a wonderful person inside, sometimes she's just afraid to be herself.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): I think she is only drinking socially because she just came of legal age to drink, so I wouldn't worry.
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A
male
reader, link2067 +, writes (10 July 2008):
link2067 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do understand that people go through certain phases in there life and this may not be a recurring trend. True, there is soooo much to do that dont involve drinking. I just wouldnt want drinking to become something that she becomes dependant on to enjoy herself and be happy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): If she doesn't get to the point that she gets drunk, I don't see a problem. A drink now and then doesn't really hurt anyone, a glass of red wine every day is apparently beneficial to health.If she ever gets to the point that she binge drinks, comes home plastered and incoherent, has a hangover every time and gets the 'shakes' in the morning until she's had a 'hair of the dog' and you find empties hidden all over the place then there's a problem.I also live with an alcoholic and I can assure you it's far from fun. It's very worrying for me. I know she's pickling her liver and the expectation of her having a stroke or killing someone when she's driving is that much higher than in someone who doesn't drink to excess. I could go on about the downside of living with an alcoholic at length, but I don't think you have anything to worry about - yet.
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A
female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (10 July 2008):
 An occasional drink isn't a bad thing. Some people have addictive personalities to where they get hooked on substances, and some don't.
I used to drink a lot when I was in my 20's, but I got tired of having hangovers, so I quit. My boyfriend that I have now is an alcoholic, he has to drink every day. I don't like it, I wish he would cut down, but I love him and I put up with it.
When you get back together with her, go out and party with her on the weekends, and tell her that it will be a RULE that only then will be the time to have a drink. The reason that I am saying this, is because you will be able to get to know her when she is more relaxed, and it may help her communication timidness in the long run.
But also, do things with her that doesn't involve drinking. Movies, zoo, museums, concerts, biking, etc. Show her that she doesn't need alcohol to have a good time with you.
Be patient with her timidness, and one day she will blossom.
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