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female
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anonymous
writes: Went out with this 18 year old guy December/January last year, who had a reputation for getting through women pretty quickly. I was 15 and had very low self-esteem, new to the whole relationship thing and fell in love with him, mainly because he was the first guy ever to show an interest in me without me showing an interest first. He wasn't into me as much (although he said he loved me), and when he broke it off at the end of January I was devastated. He went through a string of women for the next couple of months, in which I saw him occasionally and we flirted but couldn't really do much as he was almost permanently in a relationship. We got back together in June when I had turned 16, and after a wobbly few weeks our relationship grew and he actually fell in love with me, something I never thought that anybody could do. We had an amazing 2 months or so when I grew as a person and he changed into a decent human being, but then I started college which I hated and he lost his job and we both got very depressed and ended up needing each other in the worst way possible. About a month later he tried to break up with me, and I got in such a state that he ended up changing his mind, so we dragged out the relationship for another month until we both came to an agreement that we weren't being honest with ourselves, and called it a day. At this point he was homeless, and I continued to give him money and food, and once he'd sorted himself out we somehow ended up as sex buddies with feelings for each other, which got messy when a month later he found himself a new girlfriend. I ended up breaking down over the phone and telling him I loved him and so he said we should drop all contact with one another. But the next day he rang me to say he was lonely and he ended up staying the night and having lots of sex. I then didn't see him for 3 weeks, which brings me to the present day (sorry that was long but I think necessary).He spoke to me over the internet a few days ago and told me he broke it off with his girlfriend. We flirted a little but he didn't try anything, which I was pleased with because I felt it meant he had some respect for me. We also spoke yesterday, flirted a lot and had sparks flying all over the place. Today was also flirtatious, and at one point he said 'you'd like to see me naked' and I said 'is that an offer' and he said he promised himself he'd never go there again. Now I'm really confused. I've got so much more self esteem now and I've grown so much and a big part of me is really enjoying being single because I can do things for myself again, instead of putting someone else first. For the first time in my life I'm getting offers from guys (had about 4 since we broke up), and I'm finding myself turning them down. Then when my ex comes back everything that was amazing about our relationship came flooding back, and I remembered how much I love him and realised how miserable I've been since we broke up. But he has a hold over me and I don't like it, a power to make me putty in his hands. I love him and want to be with him but also hate the fact that he has the power to make me go against everything my head has been telling me these past few weeks. He's still into me as he never really let it end when we said it ended (he suggested sex buddies, and he's always the one to initiate contact between us). I think we're both in the same boat here, in which case we're not going to get anywhere because we both have feelings for each other, and our heads are telling us to leave each other alone but we both keep giving in. I can't be the strong one and break contact because he has this hold over me which means that if he wants something from me he'll get it because for some reason I'm incapable of saying no. So what happens next? Do I try and get us back together or what? We're both in limbo here!Sorry this is so incredibly long-my brain's all over the place!
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broke up, depressed, fell in love, flirt, got back together, lost his job, money, my ex, self esteem, spark, the internet Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (16 November 2006):
 You're obviously going to have to be the stong one in all of this as you can see it won't be him. Decide what it is that you really want and get it. If you want him back tell him and if he says he can't do it then you move on and find someone else. If he says yes you make it work. On the other hand, if you want to be singe than be single. Just be sure thats what you want. Follow your heart.
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