A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello! I'm in an emotional wreck right now. Well i broke up with my bf last week and now im hurt so bad. I had good reasons to let him go, but im just so in love with him that no matter what he do, i'll take him back/be with him. We've been together for 2 years and within those 2 years he has cheated multiples (5) of times and i took him back every time. He also doesn't treat me right. He has no respect for me. He lies, constantly, about simple things. He never wants to communicate when there's a problem. He put his friends before me. On FB, he blocked his relationship status, which had who's he in a relationship with which was me, from 20+ females. It's just bad and i tried staying around because i thought maybe he'll change, but everything is still the same or got worse. When i broke up with him, he acts as if he didn't care. So yesterday, i text him trying to get back with him, which i know is stupid, but he was like can we just work on it first before jumping right back into it. So that right there showed me that he really didn't want to be with me and he just don't care. So now i don't know what to do bc i want to text him so bad but i know it's not right. I love him so much that if he decides to come back now or later, i'll take him back with no problems but i don't want it to be like that. I can't stop crying. And this isn't the first time this happen. I'm so hurt and laying in my tears. I need some advice or something, please.
View related questions:
broke up, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): This is a painful thing, but it shows that you are at least getting some self respect that you broke it off.
Get counseling help, or at least read a book about why women (and men) allow themselves to be treated this way by others, and then want them "back".
When someone really loves you, none of that serious crap will happen. Some of the less serious crap will. You have to change yourself before you will be able to tolerate the less serious stuff, and not allow the more serious stuff.
A
male
reader, zedd +, writes (9 June 2011):
Remember one thing: if you were happy before you knew someone, you can be happy after they're gone. Remember those moments before you knew him? There you go.
See, you are the only constant person in your life. You may accept someone at some point to be with you for a while (which may range from a single day to severaly years) but the reason for that should be that you want to become happier or fulfilled by those people, not sad and stressed (like you are now).
Don't pin your happiness on other people, especially on poeple like this guy.
...............................
A
female
reader, kandykane +, writes (9 June 2011):
You do not need him. It will take a while for this to sink in, but he is doing nothing but using you.
Think for a second, there is a guy out there that will treat you right, but you won't find him until you let go of this guy. He is doing nothing but hurting you. And he knows it. I am in the same situation as you. But you know what? SOME PEOPLE WILL NOT CHANGE. Especially since you keep taking him back how he is! You have to put your foot down. And even then, sometimes that doesn't work. If its not meant to be, don't force it. A relationship should NEVER be that much work. NEVER. You deserve way better.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011): Annalisa is right - the pain that you feel right now is awful, overwhelming, and horrible... but unfortunately necessary. It is better that you go through this now, and make a clean break with this guy. It will hurt you a lot less in the long run than getting back together with him, and having the whole situation happen again.
Because it will. You know, and I know, that this guy isn't going to change. He's a pig, and he's treating you like crap. You don't have to take this! I know you love him, but he doesn't care about you or your feelings (whatever he says when he wants to win you over). And don't you think you ought to be with someone who does care about you? Stop for a second and think about it! You're the only 'you' in the whole world. You're unique, vibrant, fun, and sweet. Don't you deserve better?
The worst thing is, if you keep taking this guy back, he will not only cheat on you over and over again. He will take your dignity, your self-respect, and your self-worth, and when he can't take any more from you, he will leave you in the gutter to rot while he swans off with someone else. Don't let this happen! Say to yourself, over and over again 'I'm worth more than this! It's scary on my own, but whatever happens I WILL HANDLE IT! I am strong, clever, beautiful and resourceful.'
Focus on the small stuff. Don't think about the big picture - just think about getting through the next hour, the next evening, the next day, in a decent(ish) state. The first two weeks will be hell, and there will be lots of crying, but it gets easier from there. One of the best pieces of advice I can give you for coping with everything in life was given to me by a guy in his 80s who ran marathons. 'I don't think about it as 26 miles' he said 'I just focus on getting to the next lamppost'. Remember that whenever you feel overwhelmed in life.
Don't be ashamed to recruit help. Get your relations, your friends, your girls around you. And get out of the house - it'll be the last thing you feel like doing, but even just a quick walk around the block will give you calmness, and perspective. In real times of trouble, it is good to feel the sun on your face and the wind in your hair.
Big hugs. Stay strong.
...............................
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (9 June 2011):
 I'm not gonna sugarcoat this so it may be a little harsh:
You're being a doormat, letting him walk all over you, who can blame him for not respecting you? You're letting him get away with not having to.
Do yourself a favour and delete this guy from everything that you can use to contact him, surround yourselves with your friends, go out, have fun! You're young and have plenty of time to settle down, why would you honestly want to waste your life with a guy that couldn't give a crap about you?
Have some self respect girl, clean yourself up, put your game face on and no matter how hard it is, show him that this isn't affecting you....that will him HIM where it hurts, show him what he has lost and ISN'T getting back!
Find someone out there who is going to treat you like princess and not just a booty call.
Sorry, cruel to be kind - hope this helps x
...............................
|
