A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in such a pickle.I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years this Wednesday. I went to a party with an old friend (an old flame, actually), and when he opened the door, my heart started racing, I got butterflies in my stomach, and my face flushed. I immediately ran up to him and embraced him -- I didn't want to let go. I know he had feelings for me, and I for him. But nothing was going to happen -- he knew I was with this other guy and he knew that I loved him. Well, after about 5 shots and a beer, we decided to go to QT for some food, but I twisted my ankle on the bottom step, so this old flame of mine picked me up and carried me back onto the couch upstairs. Apparently, in our drunken stupor, we kissed each other -- quite passionately, at that. It didn't get further than that though...after I laid back on the couch, the nausea from all the alcohol set in and I was violently puking from that point on. As my head was in the toilet, my old flame was rubbing my back and holding me, telling me I was gonna be okay. I told him my boyfriend was literally going to kill me (he told me that if I ever cheated on him, he'd put a bullet in me). He held me tight and promised me that my boyfriend would NOT hurt me -- he'd protect me. Then he spilled his guts and told me that he still loved me. After all the years we'd been apart (my parents moved and I wasn't able to see him anymore) T_T his feelings rushed right back when he saw me walk in the front door. I'm so confused...I love my boyfriend (we've been together 3 years) but he doesn't make me feel special anymore. We always fight and he always wants to be alone. My old flame sets a fire in my heart and makes butterflies flutter in my stomach -- he makes me feel special and wonderful and loved. It just feels like my boyfriend and I are together because its gotten to the point where its convenient for us to be together. He says he still loves me, but I don't feel it when he says it. I love my boyfriend, but I still love my old flame too. I'd love to throw my arms around my old flame and kiss him like there's no tomorrow, but I don't want to hurt my boyfriend by leaving him and just telling him "I fell in love with someone else" -- that's a horrible thing to say! My boyfriend is a great man -- he doesn't deserve what happened. What am I supposed to do?By Dazed and Confused
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): Dazed and Confused here...
I need to add something on here...I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday...and I felt like my heart had been ripped in half. I haven't cried like that in so long...my mother AND my old flame told me it was for the best, and that while it hurts now, it would be worth it in the end...
I decided to believe my mom and call it a day...then my (ex)boyfriend called me...he'd been crying, said he spoke with his dad because he didn't know what else to do or where else to go...his dad scolded and scorned him for being so cold towards me, and said that if I didn't take him back, he wouldn't blame me for not doing so...he begged for another chance, and I didn't know how to answer...this man never cries -- he didn't shed a tear at his grandfathers funeral or while he was carrying his best friend in a casket...
Eventually, I texted my old flame (we may be in love with each other, but he is still someone I hold very dear to my heart) and he said that it would hurt a lot now, but one day it'd be worth it and I'd look up and see him smiling at me...I wanted that so bad...but it hurt so much leaving my (ex)boyfriend...so I texted him back, and he swears he wants to change...he didn't know just how much I was hurting inside...he would do anything to keep me...
I told him that with the way he had been treating me, it felt like I was more a convenience in his life than a loved one...I was really hurt that he couldn't even put in the time of day to spend time with me, or eat dinner inside the apartment (when he gets home from work, he immediately gets on a game and tells me to wait til he's relaxed)...it could be mac and cheese for all I cared, just as long as we're spending time together...he started crying and promised me that he would do anything to keep me...he knew the changes wouldn't happen overnight...but as long as we were together, we could work this out...he could and would be a better person...
We had talked once about how sometimes it takes serious action to jump-start someone into action...this was the jump-start he needed to realize some things about himself and how he treated other people...he told me he was sorry for all the doubt he put in me, and promised me he never wanted to let me go...he wants to marry me someday, and have a beautiful family...that really hit me deep...
I ended up texting my old flame and told him that even though I loved him very deeply, I couldn't throw away what I'd worked so hard for with my (ex)boyfriend...I still love him (my old flame) and I always will, till the day I die...but my (ex)boyfriend and I needed to at least try and work this out...my old flame told me that he understood, and just wanted me to be happy...he just didn't want me to make him forget about me -- I told him I'd never do that...he's very dear to me, and I had to lose him once...I'm not doing that again...
He's such a wonderful man...I just wish my decision hadn't hurt him...I want him to be happy as well...he told me he wants to spend his life with me as well, and I really wanted that...he's caring, affectionate, loving, protective, and wonderful in every way you can imagine...but my heart still aches for my (ex)boyfriend...and it's not like he and I hated each other...I was just really hurt by how he was treating me...and it took me breaking up with him to realize just how cold he had been towards me...
So last night, I talked to my (ex)boyfriend and we talked it out...he begged me not to throw him away, and to give him one more chance...so I did...I love him so much...and it shouldn't physically hurt that much to be away from someone you truly care about...it hurts me to know that I couldn't have another chance with my old flame, but I have to make this right...and so does my boyfriend...we're gonna work on this...
I hope everything goes well from here on out...but now I'm scared...what if we're together even longer and he just does this all over again? And he begs for me back again? My resolve broke this time and I gave him another chance (this has never happened before)...but what about the next time, if there is a next time? I love my old flame, and I'd very much like another chance with him...I think we'd be really happy together...he thinks so too...but I have to try to make this work...you don't spend three years with someone just to throw it all away...
Why does love have to be so confusing? Both of them love me very much (I'm an extremely caring person, and I want happiness for both of them), and I love them as well...but how are you supposed to choose between them when both of them just wish for you to be happy?
Dazed and Confused
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