A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I found out recently that my boyfriend of one year has been cheating on me. He moved here last year for school. I found out about the other woman by accident. His explanation is that they were dating before he moved here, but he didn't love her, and didn't know how to break it off with her especially as she was going away to another country for school.Anyway, after a lot of back and forth we have managed to remain friends. I really love this guy, and it has been hard for me, but I have been willing to put it behind me because I would rather be his friend than not have him in my life at all. However, he's been very frustrating/confusing. On one hand he says that he loves me, and has a hard time being around me b/c he is having a hard time with his feelings and attraction. I have let him know that if he wanted to try a relationship, with all our cards on the table to let me know. However, I also made it clear that I was not waiting for that to happen, nor was I waiting for him or chasing after him. He says that he doesn't know how I am able to forgive him or how I could even think about a relationship with him after what he did. He also says that he has issues to deal with and he wants to do that. My question is how to handle this? This man has become my best friend, and I really thought he was the one. I have told him that if he feels he can't handle us hanging out that I will respect that, yet he says that he wants me around. I'm just confused as to how to handle this and what to do next. Thanks!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2009): Well, if you like him and he likes you and you are both ok with being friends, then don't do anything. The past is the past and you have to decide whether or not you can forgive him and if you love him enough to just move forward from that point on, make it a clean slate for both of you, and set some boundaries to the relationship.
It sounds like he still has romantic feelings towards you but is afraid he will mess things up because of his issues he needs to resolve....(men are so weird about this sort of stuff) so maybe for now give him the space and time to do that.
I like your answer that you aren't going to wait around for him or chase him. That is perfect, keep your options open and actually date some other men...and if he wants something more or wants to have your romantic relationship back then he will let you know. Decide on what terms you want that relationship to be and then communicate that to him. Do you want a commitment of marriage, and exclusive dating relationship, what? What will he have to do to get you back? Only you can answer what it is you should do.
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