A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've recently ended my relationship with my ex because she was seeing this other girl behind my back, but when i was breaking up with her she's been saying all these things like "i knew this would happen because you don't want this to work but i do" and " you have no idea how depressed i am". But as soon as i'd walked out she'd called this other girl and was all over her facebook saying " Im in love with you, i dont want to hide it anymore". and you know, it really hurts. but i can't tell if she's doing it to get at me, or if she genuinly feels these things. and i know it shouldn't be this hard getting over her, but it just is. Help me please ?
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male
reader, wherestheinstructions? +, writes (21 July 2009):
Although it's possible that she may be confused about her own feelings, it seems more likely that she wants to hurt you by saying things that she knows will upset you.
In doing this, she is being manipulative and using emotional blackmail, portraying herself as a victim.
You need to make a clean break from her - delete her and block her on Facebook, block her emails, delete all text messages in your phone, and don't see her again.
If you are at school together and you can't avoid seeing her, then take advantage of any anti-bullying programme the school has in place if she tries to intimidate you whilst on the premises.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (21 July 2009):
She's being a dick to try and justify the fact she's completely and utterly in the wrong.
Let the cheating moron go off and be dramatic with her new girl.
You should rise above and know you are better than this and the next girl you date will probably not be as psychotic.
Smile and laugh at her if she tries to contact you again.
Delete her from facebook, ignore her calls and texts and go out and have fun.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): It sounds as thought she's a person who has trouble confronting her pride and owning up to when she is wrong. Instead of facing the fact that she's hurt you, she would rather think of ways that she's been hurt by you in order to ease her own guilt, frustration, incompetence, etc. If this is true about her, then you may have noticed things during the relationship such as her inability to apologize at the end of an arguement or her very pursuational personality that was able to make you feel like you were wrong about most issues that were discussed. She may have made an excuse for seeing the other girl similar to "if you hadn't pushed me away, i woulnd't have had to" or "if you made me feel like you really wanted to be with me, i wouldn't have seen her."
She may not be saying it to get to you and she may, but my guess is she's saying it for her own comfort as a means of justifying her own ill actions.
Do not let it get to her. You know why things ended and i believe that deep down she does too and even if she doesn't realize it now, it will come back to her later.
~Sy.
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