A
male
age
30-35,
*Hiz11
writes:I broke up with my girlfriend of about 10 months a little while ago. I still miss her, and I really do wish things could have worked out, but the fact of the matter is that I don't think they would have. I'm an honors biochemistry major, I wake up before sunrise and go to bed late into the night. Gym at 6:30am, 8:30am Labs, lectures, exams, volunteering, etc. My work load is unbelievable, and frankly, the work is mindbogglingly complex. I have a 4.30 GPA and everyone is always ask me "when is the last time you slept?" My Thesis adviser (usually a very cold, distant proff) even asked me just that the other day. I don't mind the work, it is just really tough physically/mentally.Factor in a girlfriend. Not just any girlfriend, but one with a lot of issues that leave you stressed and extremely emotionally upset -- all the while trying to calculate ion equilibrium coefficients . I just couldn't do it any more. I loved her a lot, and I still do in many ways, but I just am not made of metal. I was her best friend (i.e. boyfriend, I didn't know her before we dated) and she is very lonely and a girl with a lot of secrets. It kills me to see her lonely and upset, trying to make her way on her own. I feel so obligated to be there for her, but I got her into therapy and then I had to go. I just couldn't do it anymore.I think I was on the verge of a complete nervous break down with all the stress. I wonder if she's a risk to herself, as she has said that she's had problems with those types of thoughts in the past.I know she misses me and really wants to talk to me. I don't want to give her false hope, or let the fact that I still love her a lot get in the way of my better judgement about what's best for me.I don't know how, for her to talk to me, because I know she can't talk to anyone else like she talks to me, without doing more damage than good. I feel so painfully obligated to help her.What do I do?
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (15 October 2012):
 If you do not want to be with her you are doing the right thing not talking to her. You are right, it will give her false hope. You are not obligated to her anymore, that is why you broke up in the first place, isn't it?
This is like ripping off a bandaid. It hurts a lot at first, but it's quicker than slowly pulling it off. If you meet up with her and talk to her right now, you are prolonging both your suffering.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2012): Maybe you should explain to her what you are feeling. Maybe she will understand. Both of you should try be happy when you are together. Good luck and take care :)
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